I'm back in Provo. Winter semester starts tomorrow, and while there is the prospect of the new classes, friends and adventures that the next four months will bring, my heart is back in San Diego.
Sometimes I feel like I am an old lady stuck in a young person's body. And life. I long for that which is eternal. Sure, I have fun in my singles ward here at BYU, but I feel more grounded in my home ward doing all the things I got to do with my mom over break - singing in ward choir, chatting with the middle aged women in Relief Society, taking meals and hosting play-dates to an injured sister in the ward, helping out with Primary children.
Making Martha Stewart crafts after dinner. Taking little ones for walks in the canyon. Reading to my brother and putting him to bed. Cutting out paper dolls with my sister. Hosting a New Year's Eve party for a gaggle of loud kids under 12, then crawling into bed exhausted by 10. Wearing jeans and a t shirt every day. Cleaning the table after dinner. Helping all the family members feel comfortable.
For the past 2 weeks I've been living the life of a mom, and I've felt comfortable and joyous doing it. Now I am thrust back into the world of the 19 year old that I am, and the transition isn't going so well yet. I'm tired of my college student life. I want to go back to being a pseudo-mom.
But of course, the Lord has other plans for me right now. So this is my motto right now:
Moroni 8:16. “Behold, I speak with boldness, having authority from God; and I fear not what man can do; for perfect love casteth out all fear.”
I believe that God is going to put people into my life who need the love that I can offer them. I believe that He has a work for me to do that can be just as rewarding as the work I have done back in California. I believe there are no accidents, that there is a definite reason why I am here. I believe that there is a reason why He is asking me to leave my precious family: there is something else He wants me to do and to learn.
I wish I could just stay with these incredible people, but God has other plans for me. I can't wait to see what He has in store for me in this next year.