More than Conquerors.

Carl Bloch, Christ in Gethsemane, 1805, found here

I've recently fallen in love with this painting. When I'm down, I find so much comfort in the fact that Christ has experienced all of the sufferings and pains that I have, and that He conquered them all. I love that in His darkest hour, He had angels to come and lift Him up; surely in my time of need, He will send some to lift me up as well. 

"The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us."
-Romans 8:16-18, 35-37

Why I'm not worried about the Book of Mormon musical

Yes, I've seen the bantering and contention all over facebook. I don't want to add to it. But I do want my voice to be heard.

As I sat in the temple the other day, I thought about the Book of Mormon musical and the twisted, offensive things it portrays. It's always sad when someone mocks the things that are sacred to me. 


But then the Church's official statement about the musical popped into my mind: "The production may attempt to entertain audiences for an evening, but the Book of Mormon as a volume of scripture will change people's lives forever by bringing them closer to Christ." 


Here's the thing: the musical has no real power. It may capture national attention, win 9 Tony Awards, and give some people fleeting wealth and satisfaction, but in five years, it's not going to matter. This musical does not have the power to change lives, soften hearts, and bring people to Christ - but the book does. 


The Book of Mormon is still important 180 years after its first publication and over 2,000 years after it was written. Do you think that this vulgar, frivolous musical will ever have an influence like that?


The Book of Mormon is powerful because it is true. It has changed my life, and the lives of millions of others. It is the word of God. Nothing can change that. Nothing can lessen its influence - not even some silly Broadway musical. 


I'm reminded of the words of John Jacques: 

Though the heavens depart and the earth's fountains burst,
Truth, the sum of existence, will weather the worst,
Eternal, unchanged, evermore.

He Lifts My Burdens

I'll admit it - I'm stressed.

I kinda checked out of this semester back in February when I got married. I'm so close to being finished, and yet so far. I just want to be done so badly.

And if you know me well, you'll know that the first thing I do when I am sad, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, or without hope is to turn to one of these.

I add my testimony that Christ truly does carry our burdens if we come unto Him. He has helped others through challenges so much worse than this (watch this video for a beautiful example).

God is so very, very good. He gives me hope when no one else can.

O Thou that art the Light

Photo by my sister-in-law, Melinda.

Today started off horribly. I woke up late with a long to-do list nagging me from the back of my mind. 15 minutes later the repairman came, ruining my plans for showering and breakfast. I was mean to my husband and we were both very grouchy when he dropped me off for school. By 10:30 in the morning, my day seemed destined to be a disaster. I walked into my choir class brooding and downtrodden.

But there is something healing about singing. 

Sometimes I let myself forget the meaning of the hymns that I sing in Sacrament Meeting and go only mouthing the words without worshiping God like I really should. I'm grateful to be part of a choir that meets during the week and helps me to connect with God through song. 

As usual, when the rehearsal started, I was wrapped up in the pity-party being thrown in my head, thinking about how dreary my day was and how much more dreariness I had to slug through before I could crawl into bed. I read the following words in my music, and they basically slapped me in the face.

O thou that art the Light 

of the minds that know thee,

the Life of the souls that love thee,

and the Strength of the wills that serve thee:

help us to know thee that truly love thee, 

and so to love thee that we might fully serve thee,

whom to serve is perfect freedom, 

Amen.

-Music by Gabriel Jackson, Text by St. Augustine of Hippo

This piece reminded me that the Lord has given me everything I have - my family, my education, my talents, my body, my life, my breath - and that I should not be complaining but rejoicing in my blessings and serving Him whom I love so dearly. I love how King Benjamin explains this concept in Mosiah 2:

"I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants....

"And now, in the first place, he hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him.  And secondly, he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast?  And now I ask, can ye say aught of yourselves? I answer you, Nay. Ye cannot say that ye are even as much as the dust of the earth; yet ye were created of the dust of the earth; but behold, it belongeth to him who created you."

Even though I am an "unprofitable servant" and a bit of a stinker sometimes, Christ still loves me. He is my Light, my Life, my Strength, my joy, my reason to rejoice. I strive to serve Him not because I think I can ever repay Him, but because I love Him and I have found that serving Him brings me perfect joy, and perfect freedom. The Atonement is incredible. Praise be to His name!

Why I'm Getting Married in the Temple: The Doctrine of Eternal Marriage

Image found here.

It is difficult for those outside the Mormon faith to understand our marriage customs - why we are so anxious to get married and start our families, why our marriage ceremony takes place inside a temple that only authorized members of the Church may enter. I hope to help explain why we do these things and share the beautiful truths I have learned about the covenant of marriage. 


The temple is a place where very special, sacred ordinances take place. In order to enter, one must be willing to make very big promises, commitments to change one's lifestyle and fully dedicate oneself to the Lord. The temple is not a secret - we want everyone to attend, but we do not want anyone to promise to keep these big commitments unless they are truly ready to consecrate themselves to God. 


The most important and sacred of these promises is the marriage covenant. We believe that this ordinance is necessary to enter into the highest degree of glory in the Celestial Kingdom. Most people view marriage as a contract - an agreement between two or more parties for the doing or not doing of something specified. 
Marriages that take place in the temple are covenants, or promises between the individuals and God. The terms are specified by Heavenly Father, and if we keep our commitments, He has promised to pour out blessings upon us. This means that when challenges arise, we cannot run away because we do not like the contract any more, but we are accountable to keep our promises to God and our spouse. One of the blessings promised in the marriage covenant is being sealed to our spouses and our children for time and all eternity. This means that death is not the end of family life, but that our relationships can continue forever.

LDS marriage is very focused on the family. We believe that the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth still applies, and when we enter into the sacred marriage covenant we commit to bear children and raise families unto the Lord. We believe that having children is a sacred privilege, and that family relationships teach us how to become more like our Savior, Jesus Christ. We believe that families are essential to God's plan, and that they have the potential to bring us a fullness of joy. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints provides us not only with the ordinances that allow our families to be together forever, but teaches how to treat each other so that we actually want to spend eternity together. (The Family: A Proclamation to the World goes into more detail about this.)


We believe that temple ordinances, especially the temple sealing, are necessary for exaltation. Through the ratification of sacred ordinances and the sanctification of keeping our covenants with God, we can someday be perfected through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and live with Heavenly Father again, enjoying all the blessings He has. 


Can you see now why I have always dreamed of getting married in the temple? The promise of being sealed to the man I love the most for time and all eternity, of having our future children sealed to us as well, of having God directly involved in our marriage, of someday being able to return home to Him and receive all of the joy and goodness that He has - these promises are so, so beautiful. I still feel like I can barely comprehend them, and I am so amazed that Heavenly Father would offer such blessings to me. 


One of my friends remarked that my fiancé and I seem to have reached "fairy-tale levels of happiness," and I would have to agree. Our parents, church leaders, and prophets have taught us how to serve and love one another, and on Friday we will enter the Holy Temple and be sealed to one another forever and ever. The best part is that because we are committing to love one another as perfectly and unselfishly as God loves us, the joy and love that we feel now will continually grow through all eternity. There is nothing greater than knowing that as wonderful as it is right now, the best is still yet to be.  

"Some think of happiness as a glamorous life of ease, luxury, and constant thrills; but true marriage is based on a happiness which is more than that, one which comes from giving, serving, sharing, sacrificing, and selflessness." - President Spencer W. Kimball


“The whole subject of the marriage relation is not in my reach, nor in any other man’s reach on this earth. It is without beginning of days or end of years; it is a hard matter to reach. We can tell some things with regard to it; it lays the foundation for worlds, for angels, and for the Gods; for intelligent beings to be crowned with glory, immortality, and eternal lives. In fact, it is the thread which runs from the beginning to the end of the holy Gospel of Salvation—of the Gospel of the Son of God; it is from eternity to eternity.” -Brigham Young

How grateful I am to be able to embark on this wonderful journey with a wonderful man who loves me so sweetly and is my very best friend - and how even more grateful I am for my Savior, Jesus Christ, who has made this joy possible.

Helaman 5:12

Image by Mrs. Edie.

I absolutely love this scripture. It is packed with so many powerful phrases - "rock of our Redeemer," "shafts in the whirlwind," "a sure foundation," "they cannot fall."

I love how sure and full of faith this verse is. It declares that, yes, the adversary will fight against us brutally, relentlessly, powerfully, trickily. But it also promises that if we build our foundation on the Son of God, "it shall have no power over you" and "if men build they cannot fall." Such absolutes! Such promises! Such a sure foundation!

I also love the use of the verb "build" in this verse. It implies, slowly, steadily working. It implies an ongoing process, not a destination. It implies that if we take care of the foundation, Christ will make up for our weaknesses and build the rest of the house. Oh, how I need Him to complete my house!

I have seen the powerful promises of this verse fulfilled in my own life, even in the last two weeks. When I center my life on loving and obeying the Savior, I am balanced, productive, righteous, happy, filled with the Spirit. When I grow lazy and neglect to work on building my foundation, the rest of the day I am tossed by the whirlwinds, I slip, I stumble, and I fall. But when I pull myself back up onto the rock of my Redeemer and start laying my foundation again, the winds have no power over me. I cannot fall. 

Caspar David Friedrich, "Wanderer above the Sea of Fog," 1818

How grateful I am for prophets past and present and for my Savior who is my sure foundation, the one who catches me when I fall. 

Want to see what I've been obsessing over lately?

This piece. It brings me to tears every time.





Not everyone understands this dance and many argue that the American version is better, but I am in love with it. It reminds me of the sweet, amazing people in my life who have been there for me during hard times, who have been willing to overturn the tables and Ikea couches of their lives to be there when I just needed love, who were willing to put their arms around me and try to fix me even when they couldn't. Mostly, it reminds me of the miraculous mercy of my Savior who is the only one who can truly heal me.


For my final in my contemporary dance class we have to create our own composition. Guess what song I'm going to use? I'm excited to see what happens when I take elements from this beautiful performance and add my own style to it, plus the element of faith. I will keep you all posted :]


PS- Blogger pun not intended.

I just love this scripture.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

-Romans 8:35, 37-39

Buy one here: http://etsy.me/bzSwrV

No, never.

Image found here.

Do you ever forget about grace? I sure do. 


Somehow Monday snatches me up and takes me far, far away from the spiritual world of Sunday, takes me to a place that is crammed with tests and assignments and deadlines and pressures and the unspoken but undeniable fear that you will never be good enough. 


And there I stay. 


I frantically run around in circles like an animal in a cage, trying in vain to accomplish my list of tasks with a perfection that I can never attain. I keep searching for hope and joy and meaning, but can never find it there. And then the thoughts of doubt and the despair fill my mind. Why am I so busy? Why is life so hard? Why can't I accomplish the simple things I need to get done? Will I ever finally be able to do it on my own? But then I remember that God doesn't want me to do it alone. He wants us to come unto Him and ask for help - but in running the frenzied race of my life, I have forgotten. 


No, I'll never be able to do it on my own. I will always need Christ and His Atonement. 


I love this insight from Corrie Ten Boom and have tried to make it the motto of my life. 
During World War II, Corrie and her sister Betsie were imprisoned in a concentration camp in Germany. They decided to use this opportunity to lead Bible studies and share their testimonies of Christ. But even while engaged in God's work, Corrie found it hard to fight her instincts of self-preservation and soon lost the hope and joy that she had previously found in her service. 

"And so I struggled on with worship and teaching that had ceased to be real," Corrie wrote, "until one drizzly raw afternoon when just enough light came through the window the read by, I cam to Paul's account of his 'thorn in the flesh.' Three times, he said, he had begged God to take away his weakness, whatever it was. And each time God had said Rely on Me. At last Paul concluded -the words seemed to leap from the page- that his very weakness was something to give thanks for. Because now Paul knew that none of the wonders and miracles which followed his ministry could be due to his own virtues. It was all Christ's strength, never Paul's.

And there it was. 

The truth blazed like sunlight in the shadows of Barracks 28. The real sin I had been committing was not that of inching toward the center of a platoon because I was cold. The real sin lay in thinking that any power to help and transform came from me. Of course it was not my wholeness, but Christ's that made the difference."

Every time I read that passage, I weep. I'm not sure why this is such a struggle for me, why I forget Christ and His transforming wholeness day after day when I have pictures of Him taped up in every room of my apartment, but I do. Such is the challenge of our fast-paced, technological society. 


But the beauty is that I don't have to fight this battle on my own. I don't have to save myself. I have His arm of mercy to lean on, His Atonement to cleanse me of my sins, His heart full of love to heal me and His example to teach me how to become like Him. 


Yes, I may have forgotten grace, but grace has never forgotten me. 

Walter Rane, "One by One"

"For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, 

and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; 

for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do." 

-2 Nephi 25:23

Over the weekend...

I made this video! We're having a Relief Society Activity in a couple weeks where we're going to discuss images of Christ and talk about our favorite ones. This slideshow is going to be the basis of that. (So if you're in my Relief Society, don't watch it yet! just kidding :] )

I love my Savior. 

PS- Reading this made my Monday a lot less lame. If you're feeling discouraged with the stormy weather and your pile of homework, turn to Elder Holland's words for some encouragement. You won't regret it :]

The Messy Version.

Hillary was my best friend during my teenage years. We met in Christian Youth Theater when I was 12 and she was 13, and we spent the next 6 years doing all kinds of musicals together. We were very much alike; we were both oldest sisters, both liked the same music, both were casted in similar roles, we even had the same hair color and style. "You are just like Hillary," my mom once remarked, "but the messy version."

It was true, one of our few differences was my messiness. Her hair always stayed perfectly in place while mine easily fell limp and stuck up in every direction. Her make-up always stayed nice, while mine always smeared and wore off. (Fortunately she is a whiz at stage make-up, so she was always there to fix it for me.) She always looked so put together while many times I looked like a train wreck. Even her speech and relationships seemed pretty perfect. Sometimes I say things without thinking, but Hillary has always been the epitome of grace and poise.

I didn't mind my mom's comment so much. I acknowledged my messiness and knew that it was part of who I was. But every once in a while I wish I was more like Hillary and less like myself. I see other beautiful people and wonder why my hair looks funny and my clothes get ripped and my mouth says dumb things. Sometimes I long to be flawless. 

When these doubts and self-abusive thoughts come into my mind, I think of my blessings. I have incredible family and friends who don't mind my messiness. They love me for (and in spite of) myself. It is an honor and a blessing to associate with you Christlike people. I learn so much from your examples and testimonies, and you inspire me to be a little bit better every day. Thank you for loving me and teaching me by the way you live your lives.

Heavenly Father could have created me as a less messy person, but for some reason He didn't. He loves me despite my messiness and my shortcomings. Yes, I have weaknesses, but the Lord doesn't let them define me. He knows my strengths, and He knows my heart. He knows that I long to do good. I may not be perfect, but He loves me, and my best is good enough for Him. What a comfort it is to know that!

Sometimes I forget the simple fact that God loves me. I get so caught up in trying to be perfect that I think I have to earn my Heavenly Father's love and do everything on my own. When I finally slow down long enough to listen to the Lord's still, small voice, the message is always the same: "I know you. I love you. I am pleased with you. You are enough. Rely on me." 

Jesus had some messiness in His life too, messiness that left Him with a scarred and imperfect body. He chooses to keep those imperfections as a reminder of what He endured that enables us to transcend our messiness and become perfect, glorified beings.

 "Graven Upon My Palms", Emily Pugmire

I guess my messiness and imperfections make it possible for the glory of God to be manifest in me. In the end, my weaknesses help me learn to rely on the Atonement of Christ and can be a testimony to others of the power of the Atonement. 


And that is quite the reason to be grateful for the messy version. 

"Graven upon the palms of my hands."

"Prince of Peace" by Liz Lemon Swindle

I wonder if Jesus Christ ever questioned His worth, His mission, His importance. Did He ever have days of drudgery when nothing seemed to go right? I think He must have, for the scriptures say that He suffered "the pains of every living creature (see 2 Nephi 9:21).


We focus so much on the big things that the Savior did, and rightfully so, but I think one of His most remarkable attributes is His diligence and perseverance. As men and women, we are weak when our patience is tested. We are so quick to forget the long term rewards when our work starts to get difficult. But Christ? He was perfect. He was divine. He never gave up hope, never gave up faith, and never stopped working.  


What kept Him going at those times when it was hardest? When He was scourged and spit upon, when He was unfairly tried and betrayed by His friends, when He was hanging on the cross and not even His Father would answer Him, what kept Him from giving up on that terrible, painful journey?


And then the words of Isaiah pop into my mind. "Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands." He did it for you and me. 


I like to imagine that in the darkest hours of His life, when Jesus may have wanted to put an end to it all, He pictured all of us who would need His Atonement so desperately. Perhaps He thought about all of our pains that He had just experienced, and decided that He didn't want anyone else to have to endure it alone. 


How glad I am that He did not give up. For when my journey grows tiresome and my cross is hard to bear and I feel alone and worthless, I remember Him who has graven me upon the palms of His hands. If He did not give up on me then, surely He will not give up on me now. 


And I must not give up on myself, however long and hard the road may be. 


"It is ordained that we come to know our worth as children of God without something as dramatic as a leap from the pinnacle of the temple. All but a prophetic few must go about God's work in very quiet, very unspectacular ways. And as you labor to know him, and to know that he knows you; as you invest your time--and your convenience--in quiet, unassuming service, you will indeed find that "he shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up" (Matthew 4:6). It may not come quickly. It probably won't come quickly, but there is purpose in the time it takes. Cherish your spiritual burdens because God will converse with you through them and will use you to do his work if you carry them well." -Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "The Inconvenient Messiah"

Wie groß bist du!

Photo found here.

One of the things I love most about BYU is the opportunity to join with my classmates in singing the hymns of Zion. In the Mormon culture we are taught to sing at a very young age, and no matter what hymn the teacher chooses that day, there are always a few people who add gorgeous harmonies. It feels like a symphony - each student coming together, uniting hearts and voices to praise the God who has guided our steps to this splendid university. 

I thought singing the hymns in a religion class of 200 was incredible, but yesterday I discovered that a tiny German class of 6 can be even more powerful.  

The hymn for the day was „Wie groß bist du!” known in English as "How Great Thou Art." This has always been one of my favorite hymns, and I have fond memories of my mother singing it as she washed the dishes and cooked dinner. When I visit home, we sing it together as I help her with the household chores. 

As my class sang the song, I was surprised to see that the Germans have added another verse between our second and third verses. (I was even more surprised that I understood it!) Here are the lyrics and my translation:

Wenn ich bedenk, was du für mich gegeben
die Schmerzen all, die du gelitten hast
Du starbst on Kreuz damit wir können leben
und nahmst auf dich all unserer Sünden Last.

Dann preis ich dich, mein Heiland und mein Gott.
Wie groß bist du! Wie groß bist du!
Dann preis ich dich, mein Heiland und mein Gott.
Wie groß bist du! Wie groß bist du!

***************************************************

When I think what you have given for me

All the pain you have suffered 

You died on the cross so we could have life

And you took the load of all our sins

Then sings my soul, my Savior and my God -

How great thou art! How great thou art!

Then sings my soul, my Savior and my God -

How great thou art! How great thou art! 

I was surprised once more as tears filled my eyes and my voice started to falter. 

Truly Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the Living God. I am amazed and humbled by all that He offers me. It is a honor and a privilege to attend Brigham Young University and have the chance to associate with such wonderful people whose examples bring me closer to Christ. I am awed by the power and potential of my fellow classmates, whether it be in a class of 200 or a class of 6. I can sense that Heavenly Father has important assignments for us after we leave this university, but our works will continue to harmonize with each other across time and space, creating rich music of praise to the Lord. Just like our singing, each of us has something unique to offer that makes a powerful collaboration. I believe that our individual lives of discipleship, like our voices, will come together to create a gift to the Lord that is even more beautiful and more lasting. And that, my friends, is true joy. 

When Christ shall come,

With shouts of acclamation,

And take me home,

What joy shall fill my heart!

Then I shall bow

In humble adoration

And there proclaim,

"My God, how great Thou art!" 

Truly, Lord, how great thou art. 

My love's too big for you, my love.

Image found here.

What do you do when someone doesn't want you in their life anymore?

As my little sister wrote in her latest blog post, it can me take a long time to love someone. But once my heart is open, I am fiercely loyal. "You don't throw people away, Tasha," is how my mother explained it. Like my sister, I believe that my loyalty is somewhat inherent, but my mother has helped bring it out in me. She has taught me in words and examples how to mend awkward relationships and move past painful experiences to discover the beauty and nourishment of friendships. When I was in the moment, it seemed so much easier to leave difficult relationships behind and start on something new. But now some of those relationships that once were awkward are so nourishing and important in my life. I am deeply grateful that my mom taught me to hold on, for people are not garbage but eternal beings with limitless beautiful and potential.

But sometimes people make the decision for us. They want to let go of the relationship and move forward without looking back. They want to throw it all away.

And for me, that it is hard.

I was contemplating this the other day and feeling guilty for not being able to mend some relationships, when Ingrid Michaelson's "Sort of" came on my iPod. I was amazed that the lyrics fit my situation so perfectly.

Baby you've got the sort of laugh that waters me
And makes me grow tall and strong and proud and flattens me
I find you stunning, but you are running me down
My love's too big for you my love
My love's too big for you my love

It was like a light switch flipped on. The problem isn't with me; these people are just unwilling to receive what I have to offer. My love is too big for them - but at the same time, I don't feel like I should try to diminish it.

At times I wish I could be more like my sister, that I didn't attach so deeply because I end up getting hurt. But then the Spirit whispers that this is who I am, and there is nothing wrong with that.

God has guided me through this lifelong process of rejection. He has taught me how to be full of love but direct it down different paths. Just because some people do not want the love I have to offer doesn't mean that it is not needed elsewhere. I find that the more I learn to love the Lord and the people He has placed in my life, the more love I have for these people who have rejected me. It is a different kind of love, though. It is respectful and calm and patient. It recognizes that I do not have to be a part of someone's everyday life to still care about them and find ways to serve them. And it hopes that somehow in the course of the eternities, differences can be reconciled and our hearts can be knit together in the love of God.

Heavenly Father knows all about this. He has children who do not want Him in their lives. He faces rejection every day. And yet, He still loves those children perfectly, wholely. I feel that He

is teaching me in a small measure about His love - and let me tell you, it is breathtaking.

My love may be too big for you, but that's OK. Jesus Christ can help us make everything right again.

And He will, in His own due time.

Tender Mercy of the Day

Photo found here

Today has not been my best day.

I'm tired and cranky. I've snapped at my family and just want to go back to bed - but I have copies to make and a talk to write for church tomorrow. (Ahhh!) It's just not going to be the happiest of days.

I decided to put on some Mormon Tabernacle Choir music to bring my closer to God again. I turned on my computer and put on the sweet sounds of MoTab and went to check my facebook. This morning - before the crankiness set in - I posted this quote:

It is not easy to go without - without physical gratifications or spiritual assurances or material possessions - but sometimes we must since there is no guarantee of convenience written into our Christian covenant. We must work hard and do right, as Abraham Lincoln said, and sometimes our chance will come. And when we've tried, really tried, and waited for what seemed never to be ours, then "the angels came and ministered unto him." -Jeffrey R. Holland

It seems that it was just what some of my friends needed to hear today, because I had quite a few comments thanking me for posting it.

Yes, even when I am a brat, God is able to use me to do some good in the world. And that amazes me.

Liken the Scriptures Challenge: Week 2

"The Sermon on the Mount," by Carl Heinrich Bloch

Today marks the end of Week One of my four week challenge to apply the scriptures to my life - and it has been a beautiful experience. My scripture for week one was Alma 4:15; my focus was to have the Spirit and rely on it more. The experience was so wonderful! Having the Spirit helped me to deal with challenges in a more Godlike way, love better, forgive more freely, be happier and more productive, find more ways to serve, recognize God's hand in all things, and mostly come closer the my Father in Heaven. It transformed me and showed me many more ways in which I can improve and progress.

So now, on to Week Two!

This evening I finished re-reading one of my favorite books, "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Ten Boom. (If you haven't read it, please do! It will change your life!) In it, she describes the horrors she witnessed in World War II and how Jesus Christ's Atonement can bring love and hope even in times of despair.

After finishing the book I sat for a moment in the rocking chair, looking up at this Carl Bloch painting of the Master. How is it that Christ can know all of the pain and suffering of this world, and still be so full of peace and love? How is it that He not only knows the evils of the world, but paid the price for them, atoning for some that may never even acknowledge or utilize the most painful of all human sacrifices? How is it that Jesus can freely love and forgive billions of people who caused His suffering? Oh, that I might be able to have such an ability to love and forgive those who wrong me in such small ways!

The miracle is, we can. Christ offers that gift to you, to me, to each of us. If you don't believe it, read "The Hiding Place." Read my last post. When we ask in faith, He provides. Or as Miss Ten Boom wrote, "When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself."

One of the things I learned from this week of living by the Spirit and from reading "The Hiding Place" again is that I need more of this love.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said last October,

What attribute should define us as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints? Let us be known as a people who love God with all our heart, soul, and mind and who love our neighbor as ourselves.

I don't think that love is the attribute that defines me yet. But I want it to.

And that leads me to my scripture for Week Two: 4 Nephi 1:15.

And it came to pass that there was no contention in the land, because of the love of God which did dwell in the hearts of the people.

There was complete peace and harmony in the land not because of a fabulous government, fancy clothes or even a Disneyland. This remarkably stable and happy society came because the people had the love of God in their hearts.

To me, the term "love of God" is two-fold. First, it means that we love God unabashedly, that we are willing to follow His will and keep His commandments no matter how long or hard the road. And secondly, it means that we have God's type of love for everyone and everything. In short, we love God and we love everything He has given us in a perfect, boundless way.

I admit, it is quite a daunting task, to learn to have this kind of love. But our God never forsakes.

I know without a doubt that Jesus Christ can teach me to love in this way. He learned how to do it when He hung dying on a cross. He taught Joseph Smith to do it when his family and followers were mocked, persecuted and driven from their homes. He taught the Ten Boom family to do it when all of Europe was scarred by war, famine, abuse and some of the most horrifying events in all of human history. He taught me a small portion of it last week when I asked Him to help me forgive those who had wounded me.

And I know that He will teach me to love in this way too.

His Wholeness

"Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands." -Isaiah 49:16
Image found here.

I received an email from a missionary friend today that broke my heart. Here is what he wrote:


Conference weekend was way way hard for me. Most of the instruction that I received from General Conference was how to be a good husband, a good father, some great dating tips, and a whole lot about how to be a good father. However, none of those things actually apply to me, and won't for quite some time....Now, I know I'm not married, but just because I'm not doesn't mean that I can't live for my future wife. I can still try to live as worthy as I can to prepare myself for whoever she is. I can still live for my wife. So that has been one hard part of conference for me. I wish that the counsel was at least something that I could apply right now, but I really can't. At least I don't see how I can. The second insanely hard part was the choirs from the second Saturday session...I have so many friends in that choir. It's ridiculous. There wasn't a single camera shot that I didn't recognize a person. That was so hard. All of those friends are in the conference center, singing in General Conference, which is only one of my biggest dreams....It was so, so hard....I had such a stark feeling. I had felt that my heart had been ripped out and a shapeless darkness had replaced it. I wanted so badly to be happy and joyful to see all of my friends there and to receive guidance from the Prophet and the General Authorities, but the darkness was so overpowering.

I hope I can, with the help of my Savior, recover quickly from the dark void. I guess I just haven't received that witness of what the Lord has planned for me and why I'm here. I know that I'm supposed to be here and I'm definitely not going anywhere. I refuse to offend my God by leaving or not doing my best. I just don't feel like I have been growing at all, no matter how hard I'm trying....I know I've only been out a transfer and that I'm not going to be a drastically different person in so short a time, but I can't recognize any progression on my part. I just need to have a lot more faith and reliance on my Savior for strength, comfort, and direction. Good thing I know why I need to do that and know that I can have more faith, otherwise, I'd be in quite a bit of trouble.

After reading all of that, I just wanted to weep. He is such a good young man and can just feel that he needs love. I wish I could be there to give him a hug and let him know that everything is going to be ok - but that is not God's will right now. However, I do have the ability to email him, which is exactly what I did. I felt the inspiration of the Lord guide me to know what to write. What I wrote to him is a story of how Christ has transformed me - a story I want to share with you.


I read a book a couple months back called "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Ten Boom. Her family hid people in their home during World War II and most of the family was killed because of it. Corrie's book talks about her experiences and is absolutely amazing. It teaches a lot of eternal truths and illustrates examples of how to be like Christ. But the most powerful truth I learned was about the power of Christ. Corrie tells about reading the Bible in the prison camp. She and her sister would read aloud from the Bible every night, with the prisoners listening intently. At first it was joyous and uplifting for her to share her testimony, but after a while it grew monotonous and she felt empty. She would still read the Bible, but her heart was not in it. Then one day she realized where her emptiness and selfishness was coming from. "The real sin lay in thinking that any power to help and transform came from me," Corrie wrote. "Of course it was not my wholeness, but Christ's that made the difference." She realized that she had been reading out of the Bible because she thought she could help these prisoners - but the help was not from her! All along, it was from Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice. She was merely the instrument by which the prisoners received the message of Christ. And once she forgot about herself and put her whole heart into testifying of Christ, her heart was changed again. She was able to love and have joy again. She remembered that the prison camp was the place where God had called her to teach about Jesus, the only way by which hearts can be made "all whole."

And Corrie also helped me to learn about Christ and be transformed by Him. When I first read those words the natural woman in me piped up. "I'm OK," I thought. "I'm doing a good job. I'm not selfish." But then I realized that I was. Many of the good things I was doing were done out of obligation or habit or selfishness. I wanted to help people because it made me happy; it made me feel important. I decided to change my attitude. I realized that, like Corrie, I have been placed in this apartment, this ward, this University, this job, these classes, this social network because it is the place where God wants me to testify of His Son, Jesus Christ. God has placed certain people in my life because I have certain gifts and experiences that can help them. I do not know exactly what these gifts are or why it is my gifts that are meant to help them, but I know that this is what I have been assigned to do. And I also know that these gifts are not mine - they are God's. He has given them to me in order that I may do His work and testify of His Gospel. I decided that I would try to testify of Christ in all that I did, because "it was not my wholeness, but Christ's that made the difference." I have no power to heal or forgive people - but I have the power to testify of the One who does. That decision has changed my life. I have found that it really is possible to testify of Christ in all that I do. I've found that as I focus on testifying of Christ, everything else falls into place. I am more focused on my schoolwork, more loving, more productive, have more friends, find more opportunities to serve, I am closer to God, and I am just happier. I can now see the hand of God in all aspects of my life. I can see my many reasons to rejoice.

I am grateful for your faith and commitment to do what is right even though it is so painfully difficult. I know that God is pleased with that as well. He loves you perfectly and would not make you endure any pain that was not absolutely necessary for your growth. I don't know exactly what His plan for your life is, but I do know that you are where you are for a reason. Right now He wants you to testify of Christ. There are people around who need the healing that the Atonement can bring, and God has chosen you to bring it to them. I know that this experience will prepare you to be a better husband and father someday. God wants you to progress. He wants you to be happy. But sometimes we have to endure dark times because, as Corrie Ten Boom wrote, it is "in darkness [that] God's truth shines most clear." I know that the Atonement is real. I know that it has the power to forgive, to heal broken hearts, and to make us whole again. I know that God loves you and will help you through these trials, and that through them you will be able to help others later, to lead them to Christ.

I testify that Jesus Christ lives and that His Atoning sacrifice truly has the power to change attitudes, heal broken hearts, and change lives. He has done it for me, now let Him do it for you.