Forgiveness

Annie Henrie, Streams of Mercy, 2010, Found here

I am learning a lesson in forgiveness right now, a lesson that is oh, so hard. As a child, I thought I had mastered this skill because I could easily get over playground drama and childish arguments. But when you've given your best to someone and they don't even try to see past your shortcomings - that is when forgiveness becomes so much harder.

This journey feels like a roller coaster. I descend as I worry and stew and grow angry over the wrongs that have been done to me. At rock bottom, I realize that I need to do better, and ask for God's help. I've been amazed at how He helps me, lifts me higher, fills my heart with His understanding and His love.

But inevitably, I grow angry again. I used to think forgiveness was a one-time thing, but now I am discovering that it is a long and tiring struggle.

In those moments when I am down and weary, here are three things I turn to for the inspiration to turn my heart to God and try again to forgive.

1. This video

2. Rudyard Kipling's "If"

"If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools"

3. The words of Corrie Ten Boom

"It is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself."

 I hope that these can help you on your journeys of forgiveness as well as mine.

A Faith Rooted in Optimism and Tears

Brian Kershisnik, Thorn and Sparrows, Found here

Last night, I filled up my old journal. Tonight I will begin a new one. 


After writing my final words in that volume, I flipped back through and reminisced about the last 9 months of my life - my worries when having to decide between my missionary and Brandon, how I decided that he was the one, our engagement, our wedding, our first 5 months of marriage.


I've been sick for the past 6 weeks, and I'm not sure why. (And to nip any rumors in the bud, no, I'm definitely not pregnant.) Although I get enough sleep and take my multi-vitamins, I'm tired all the time. I often have dizziness, migraines, and difficulty concentrating. We've been to the doctor and found out that I'm not anemic, diabetic, or a victim of thyroid problems. He prescribed some medication about a week ago, and it's been helping, but I'm certainly not back to normal yet. 


As I read through my old journal entries, I missed my old self. I missed the girl who was able to handle 12-hour school days with a smile on her face. I missed the girl who was so happy and bubbly all the time. I missed the girl who found everything about life to be so exciting. My body has forced me to slow down, and in some ways, I've lost a part of myself. 


In my prayers tonight, I asked God to help me bring back the old, energetic me. Instead, He answered, You don't have to be her. 


Yes, my body has forced me to slow down, and my spirit has slowed down with it. I've lost a lot of my energy and enthusiasm, but I've gained something in return. 


I'm more content with my place in the world. I find more satisfaction in my relationships. I cherish the temple more. I'm driven to my knees more often. I talk to my mother more frequently. I think more deeply and creatively. I'm more content to observe than to join in the action. I have a more eternal perspective. 


I have a better relationship with my husband. I have a better relationship with my family. I have a better relationship with myself. I have a better relationship with my Heavenly Father. 


This trial has been painful, both physically and emotionally - but I am better for it. I feel like it is helping me to grow up. 


As Melissa Young wrote,  "I’m finding that my faith is rooted in both optimism and tears."

When I'm home sick on a Sunday...

...I watch Mormon Messages.

Today, I'm watching the interviews with our church members. They're all AWESOME! I'm loving this two especially:








Beautiful.


Have a happy Sunday!

Just what I needed today.

Thanks again, Mormon Messages. You never fail me.

The Women in my Life

Each mother's day, I can't help thinking of the many amazing women I know whose hearts break on this holiday because they haven't yet received the opportunity to be a mother - and so, I want to express gratitude for ALL the women in my life this day.


I'm grateful for my mom who taught me to laugh, to serve, to worship, and to trust in God when all else fails. She makes each day magical. She has been there for me on all my darkest days. She is my hero, and I hope that some day when I grow up, I can be like her.


I am grateful for my grandmothers who have taught me to sew, to cook, to clean, to work hard, and to appreciate my family history. Both of my grandmothers are beautiful, strong women who have always been great examples to me.


I am grateful for my aunts who taught me how to take care of babies, to have fun, and to enjoy life as it comes. I don't know any of them very well, but I am grateful that they saw the beauty in me even during my awkward years, and have always shown me love and support. I look forward to the opportunity to get to know them better some day.


I am grateful for family friends and church leaders who have taken care of me over the years. They have been like mothers to me, encouraging me in my dreams, teaching me their talents, always taking the time to listen to me and give advice. I feel blessed to have been guided through life by such angelic servants of God. Your testimonies and Christlike love have made me into the person I am today. Thank you for listening to the Spirit and being there for me whenever I needed a helping hand.


I am grateful for sisters-in-law who have welcomed me into the family with open arms. They have not hesitated to love me and help with our wedding. It is a blessing to know that my children will grow up in a family with aunts and cousins who will always love and encourage them.


I am grateful for my sweet mother-in-law who has loved me without restraint and stood up to help me before I even knew I had needs. I am grateful that she raised such an amazing son to be my eternal companion and that she has accepted me as her own daughter. I could not ask for a better mother-in-law.


Thank you to each of you women who have shaped my life. I believe that it truly takes a village to raise a child, and I was blessed to be placed in a wonderful village. Don't forget that your little kindnesses, testimonies, and acts of service really do mean a lot - they have changed my life for the better. I echo Elder Cook's sentiments - you women are incredible!


Have a wonderful Mother's Day.

“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.” - Pablo Picasso

Love this artist, love this video.

My favorite Kershisnik painting - "Nativity"

Hope this artist and his work wash the dust away from your busy week. Happy Friday!

He Lifts My Burdens

I'll admit it - I'm stressed.

I kinda checked out of this semester back in February when I got married. I'm so close to being finished, and yet so far. I just want to be done so badly.

And if you know me well, you'll know that the first thing I do when I am sad, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, or without hope is to turn to one of these.

I add my testimony that Christ truly does carry our burdens if we come unto Him. He has helped others through challenges so much worse than this (watch this video for a beautiful example).

God is so very, very good. He gives me hope when no one else can.

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep, God is not dead, nor doth He sleep!

Last night I was studying for my Byzantine Art final (with sweet Brandon by my side) when I realized that I was not prepared for two of my five essay questions. I have attended every class and taken notes, and I know I've heard the professor mention these topics, but I don't understand them clearly or feel that I can write an essay about them. And our textbook doesn't really explain them either. I got really frustrated and discouraged because I felt that my best effort would not be good enough.


My wonderful husband-to-be took me in his arms and just let me cry out my frustration. Then we watched these Mormon Messages videos-

PS- The bell player at 3 seconds in? That's my future brother-in-law!

- and I discovered something wonderful. This test won't really matter a year, a month, or even a week from now, but I have what matters most. I have the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life and a testimony of its truthfulness. I have an absolutely incredible fiancé who truly knows how to comfort those in need of comfort, who treats me like a princess, who stuns me with his goodness every day, and who helps me be my best self. I have wonderfully supportive family and friends who love me unconditionally. And most of all, I have a relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ. I know that they love me perfectly, no matter what grade I get on this exam. I know that they accept all that I can offer with open arms and loving hearts. I know that through them, I can receive redemption from my sins, eternal life, and a fullness of joy. I have what matters most - and therefore, I have great reason to rejoice. 

I wish all of you good luck on your finals and a very merry Christmas. Don't forget what matters most and how very much your Heavenly Father loves you. 

 

Finger Burns

Today I grabbed a pan that I didn't realize was hot and burned the fingertips on my right hand.
I've been carrying around bags of frozen peas and ice-cold juice boxes for the last 5 hours.
Each time I loosen my grip on that frozen Minute-Maid fruit punch
it hurts terribly. 
Which makes it hard to blog,
and gives me even more respect and awe for Stephanie Nielson.
I can't imagine having burns all over my body.
So kneel by my bed
and thank the Lord
for my small amount of pain
but mostly

for His miraculous power

that heals both body and soul.

Another Reason to Rejoice:

There is always reason to hope.

My Abundant Life.

Image found here.

For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee. -Isaiah 54:10

This weekend, I've been seeing the abundance of my life everywhere.

I see it in the bright blue sky and the sunshine that tickles my arms. After a long winter in Utah, I am so grateful for summer.

I see it in my job, where I get to work with wonderful people and provide service to others. The hours may be long, but I'm grateful to be able to earn money in a time when so many are out of work, and to be able to do it with people I love.

I see it in the faces of my family as we giggle together before scripture study. I am grateful for the support they give me and peace that permeates the walls of our home.

I see it in the sweet comments from my readers that bring tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your kind words and encouragement with me.

I hear it in the music of the BYU Men's Chorus when I listen to it each morning. Their voices are so full of testimony. When I listen to them, I feel like I can do anything.

I see it in the face of my little brother as he tells me about his Lego car that he made, and as jumps up and down with excitement as we plan to watch a movie together Saturday night. Oh, to be content in the simple things of life! He is such an example to me.

I see it in my spunky little sister and the sweet relationship we are developing. She is growing into a beautiful woman, inside and out. I am so, so proud of her. She is a treasure in my life, and I feel honored to live with her, work with her, laugh with her, and be sealed to her for time and all eternity.

I see it in the baptism I attended Friday evening. The people who attended are so loving, so humble, so sweet. It is a privilege to know them and attend church with them. The sister who was baptized is so thrilled to be a member of the Church. When she emerged from the water, a beautiful laugh escaped from her lips. Her joy and enthusiasm for the Gospel are inspiring. I love the people in my ward and the opportunity to fellowship with them.

I see it when I lie in bed at night and reflect on my day's work. My life is so, so good. I am growing, serving and progressing in different ways than I had wanted, but in just the ways Heavenly Father wants me to.

I see it in the peace of the Spirit that fills my heart. I know I am exactly where I need to be.

"It was followed by a beautiful, spiritual confirmation that this is my new life. And it is good. It is oh, so good." -Stephanie Nielsen

General Conference

Photo by Doug Merrill.

Today I've been watching General Conference. And it has been beautiful.

We went up to beautiful Temple Square and watched the morning session in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building, the afternoon session in the Conference Center.

The addresses were uplifting, inspirational, hopeful, and timely. But the Spirit they brought was even better. I was overwhelmed with hope, joy, peace, trust in the Lord, and most of all, a reassurance of God's love for me.

I wept when I saw the statue of John Rowe Moyle and another statue of Joseph Smith, Prophet of the Restoration. I wept as I listened to Sister Beck's talk on the nature and responsibilities of womanhood. I wept as Elder Wilford W. Andersen addressed depression and reminded us that "hope, happiness and joy are not products of circumstance but of faith in the Savior." I wept as I realized how much my Redeemer has changed me over the last 6 months. And I wept again when the Spirit revealed changes I needed to make, complemented with the assurance that, as Elder Richard G. Scott said, "when the call comes, the ability follows."

I wept a lot.

I am continually amazed at how the Lord stretches me, shapes me and refines me. I am in awe at how He has been able to transform my soul. I still have so much I can improve on, but I know that my God will help me with that. He has helped me through everything else, and I know that He will not abandon me now.

I am also amazed to learn about God's plans for my life. In these last few months, He has taught me so much about the work He specifically wants me to do. He has helped me to see my role in His plan, to cherish it and to better appreciate the role that others play in the plan. Roles that I could not play, but that I rely on all the same.

I am amazed at the power of the Atonement. Because Jesus Christ lived, paid the great Atoning sacrifice, died, and was resurrected, we each have the opportunity to receive a fullness of joy. We will live again in perfected bodies. We can be forgiven for our sins. We can receive divine help and guidance. We can learn to love and forgive as Christ did. Our pain can be healed. We can have a personal relationship with Heavenly Father and learn His plan of each of us individually. We can have joy and peace in this life, no matter what the circumstances. We can return to live with God again. We can have families that will last forever. We can grow and progress through all eternity.

I know that Jesus Christ lives. He is the reason why I rejoice.

Thankful

This year, I am grateful for my trials, for they are truly opportunities to become like Christ, and through them I have come to have His strength more powerfully in my life.

I am also grateful to go home to these wonderful people TOMORROW!



What are you grateful for?

Create

What will you create?