The Miracle of Forgiveness

Brian Kershisnik, But Ruth Clave Unto Her, 2006, Found here

It's been a rough week. As I wrote earlier, I've been struggling with forgiving someone who has rejected my efforts of kindness and hurt me badly. Ephesians 6:12 kept popping into my mind, for I have been wrestling with the forces of darkness.


I spent several days engulfed in these dark feelings, nursing my wounds at the bottom of that pit and fighting to let go of my pain. I felt justified in my anger, and wanted everyone to know how I had been wronged. But at the same time, I knew that revenge would only continue the cycle of unkindness; it would not make anything better. I also knew that I wanted to escape from these angry feelings and feel the peace of God again.


I found hope in Corrie Ten Boom's The Hiding Place, an account of her experiences helping Jews in World War II and, as a result, being sent to a concentration camp. She also discusses the way God helped her to forgive and show love during that cold, dark time. My favorite story in the book occurs after the war when Corrie was speaking of her experiences across Europe. At one event, she was approached by a guard she had known in the concentration camp; he recognized her and asked for her forgiveness. She writes,

I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give Your forgiveness.


As I took his hand the most incredible thing happpened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand, a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me.


And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.

So many times I have uttered that same prayer - Lord, I can't forgive this person. Give me Your forgiveness. And like Corrie, I have been aided by my Father in Heaven. The more I feel His compassion for my offender, the more my heart softens and is able to love. But it is His charity and forgiveness, not mine, that has made the difference.


My husband has been a great help as well. He has listened to me rant and complain and cry. He has even sympathized with the person who hurt me and helped me to understand their point of view. He has helped me connect to God when I was too hurt to reach Him on my own.


"You have tried so hard honey," Brandon said as he stroked my hair. "You did nothing wrong." It was at that moment that I began to sob because that was what I had wanted to hear all along - that someone acknowledged my sorrow and my efforts to do the right thing.


It was at that moment that I began to heal. God surely knew what He was doing when He asked us to "mourn with those that mourn." (See Mosiah 18:8-10)


We often speak of "the miracle of forgiveness" in the context of the Atonement, of Christ forgiving us for the vilest of our transgressions. After my struggle to forgive one person of a small offense, I am amazed at the Savior's ability to forgive me so readily, and even more so at the fact that I can someday become like Him.


But this experience has also taught me about another miracle of forgiveness - the freedom and healing we receive as we let go of our anger and let Jesus teach us how to forgive. I was in bondage, and none could deliver me but the Lord my God. (See Mosiah 24:21) He has made my burden light.


I still feel hurt when I think of what my offender did, and I suspect that the pain will always be there. I know that my journey is not over, for forgiveness is not a single event but a lifelong decision. But I know I have the help of my Father in Heaven, and that with Him, I can be victorious. 

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?...Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:35, 37-39

Forgiveness

Annie Henrie, Streams of Mercy, 2010, Found here

I am learning a lesson in forgiveness right now, a lesson that is oh, so hard. As a child, I thought I had mastered this skill because I could easily get over playground drama and childish arguments. But when you've given your best to someone and they don't even try to see past your shortcomings - that is when forgiveness becomes so much harder.

This journey feels like a roller coaster. I descend as I worry and stew and grow angry over the wrongs that have been done to me. At rock bottom, I realize that I need to do better, and ask for God's help. I've been amazed at how He helps me, lifts me higher, fills my heart with His understanding and His love.

But inevitably, I grow angry again. I used to think forgiveness was a one-time thing, but now I am discovering that it is a long and tiring struggle.

In those moments when I am down and weary, here are three things I turn to for the inspiration to turn my heart to God and try again to forgive.

1. This video

2. Rudyard Kipling's "If"

"If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools"

3. The words of Corrie Ten Boom

"It is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself."

 I hope that these can help you on your journeys of forgiveness as well as mine.

"The influence of art is so powerful in shaping our lives for a higher appreciation of the creations of our God. We should be as eager for its companionship as we are for food to sustain our lives, for it has as important a mission in shaping our character and in conducting to our happiness as anything we term necessities. Life is incomplete without it." 

-John Hafen

(Thanks Ee Chien for this quote!)

Why I'm not worried about the Book of Mormon musical

Yes, I've seen the bantering and contention all over facebook. I don't want to add to it. But I do want my voice to be heard.

As I sat in the temple the other day, I thought about the Book of Mormon musical and the twisted, offensive things it portrays. It's always sad when someone mocks the things that are sacred to me. 


But then the Church's official statement about the musical popped into my mind: "The production may attempt to entertain audiences for an evening, but the Book of Mormon as a volume of scripture will change people's lives forever by bringing them closer to Christ." 


Here's the thing: the musical has no real power. It may capture national attention, win 9 Tony Awards, and give some people fleeting wealth and satisfaction, but in five years, it's not going to matter. This musical does not have the power to change lives, soften hearts, and bring people to Christ - but the book does. 


The Book of Mormon is still important 180 years after its first publication and over 2,000 years after it was written. Do you think that this vulgar, frivolous musical will ever have an influence like that?


The Book of Mormon is powerful because it is true. It has changed my life, and the lives of millions of others. It is the word of God. Nothing can change that. Nothing can lessen its influence - not even some silly Broadway musical. 


I'm reminded of the words of John Jacques: 

Though the heavens depart and the earth's fountains burst,
Truth, the sum of existence, will weather the worst,
Eternal, unchanged, evermore.

What Saved Me

Artist Cassandra Barney is working on a project called "What Saved Me," based on submissions from blog readers. This is my submission. 

Yes, he's wearing a grape soda pin from the movie "Up"

e.e. cummings once wrote, "We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit." 

I did not believe in myself until my husband believed in me. 

I grew up a shy and introverted girl. I struggled with self-esteem throughout high school and my first few years of college. I felt that I was never talented enough, pretty enough, smart enough. People told me that they thought I was amazing, but I never really believed them. I was convinced that I would never measure up, and that I would have to get used to living a life of mediocrity. 

But when I began dating Brandon, things started to change. He never gave me eloquent compliments, but quietly and sincerely showed that he loved me. He was always gentle and considerate with me. He expressed appreciation for my virtues and my morals. He recognized my strengths and told me how they had blessed his life. He told me I was beautiful, not just because of how I looked, but mostly because of who I was. He served me, and thereby showed me that he adored me. Day by day, he encouraged me and uplifted me. 

Slowly, gradually, his love changed me and helped me to believe in myself. Because I had someone that honored me, I learned to honor myself. He saw me as my Heavenly Father saw me, and helped me to focus on my divine gifts instead of my natural weaknesses. One day, I realized that I did not struggle with my self-worth anymore. I had truly learned to love myself, because of the love that Brandon had for me. That selfless, Christlike love has helped me to be happier and better than I've ever been before. I am grateful for this wonderful man who helped me discover my self-worth. My husband's love is what saved me from living in ignorance of my divinity. 

A Season of Joy

On my wedding day - pure joy.

I feel that God has given me this time in my life as a season of joy and rest. I still have challenges - including 10-page papers and trying keeping the dishes clean while working 4 nights a week - but I also have deeper joy and satisfaction than ever before.

Marriage is so wonderful. I love living with my best friend, sharing my meals and my messes and my laundry with him. I love reading the scriptures with him each night, praying with him multiple times each day, and seeing his sweet face when I wake up each morning. He makes me laugh, serves me, and tells me that he loves me every single day. He is so good at serving me and lifting me up when I fall. He allows me to be my best self. Marrying Brandon is the best decision I ever made.

Marriage has also helped me to refocus on what truly matters most. When you form an eternal family, you realize that so many things are temporary and worthless. We live a slower, simpler life these days, putting our efforts into strengthening our relationships with each other, our families, and our God. We have learned to value people over possessions, and have discovered that, as Ben Behunin put it, "Joy, in all its glory, can only be obtained through unselfishness."

by artist Ben Behunin

And while, of course, I have been abundantly blessed, I believe that this truth is the key to my happiness. I found that the more I serve my husband, the more I serve in the temple, and the more I forget myself in working to center my life on Christ, the more joy I have. And let me tell you, it has been glorious indeed.

I wish that everyone could find the happiness that I have - but that is not up to me. You each have to find it for yourselves. I would recommend that you start by reading some of the talks from this past weekend's General Conference, picking up a copy of Remembering Isaac (a book that changed my heart and my life), and then getting to work! There are so many in this world who need your goodness, your talents, and your love. You cannot imagine the blessings that God has waiting for you.

What I've Learned in my Two Weeks of Being Married

 

Since I am now so wise in the ways of matrimony, I decided to bless you all with my wisdom.

(Please tell me that you caught the sarcasm in that).

But seriously, there are a couple things I wish someone would've told me when I was engaged, and I'm hoping my experience can help some of you out there. 

1. If possible, make sure you have about a week for a honeymoon. 2 1/2 days is NOT enough. 

2. Your wedding day is very exhausting. Unless you are superwoman, you should schedule some time for a nap in between the wedding and the reception, or even hold the reception the night before the wedding. We arrived at the temple at 9 am and didn't leave until about 3:30 pm. By the end of the day, we were wiped out.

3. You may be called upon to give a little speech at your wedding luncheon, so be prepared. I had no notice and gave a short, flimsy, sniffley, sorry little tribute to my wonderful husband that certainly did not do him justice. If you prepare some eloquent words in advance, your guests will not leave wondering how you ever graduated from high school with such poor rhetoric.

4. I highly recommend the Premarital Health Class at the BYU health center. It taught me everything I needed to know in an uplifting, non-intimidating way. It prepared us to talk about intimacy and helped me overcome my fears and anxieties. It's just one more reason why I love BYU soooooo much. 

5. Make sure you get pictures of the guests in candid moments. The day goes by so quickly, and it's so sweet to look through our pictures and see the little moments we didn't catch. I love seeing photos of our family and friends showing such love and devotion for each other and feeling the overwhelming love of that day all over again.

6. It's very likely that you will receive 3 or more crock pots as wedding presents, even if you do create a registry. Be prepared to return them/regift them/sell them on ebay.

6 1/2.  If you like camping and the outdoors, you should register at REI. You won't regret it.

7. From the beginning, make family prayer and scripture study a habit. It helps unite you as a couple with each other and the Lord. I think this quote says it best:

“I know of no other practice that will have so salutary an effect upon your lives as will the practice of kneeling together in prayer....The little storms that seem to afflict every marriage become of small consequence while kneeling before the Lord and addressing him as a suppliant son and daughter. Your daily conversations with him will bring peace into your hearts and a joy into your lives that can come from no other source. Your companionship will sweeten through the years. Your love will strengthen. Your appreciation one for another will grow.Your children will be blessed with a sense of security that comes of living in a home where dwells the Spirit of God. They will know and love parents who respect one another, and a spirit of respect will grow in their own hearts. They will experience the security of kind words quietly spoken. They will be sheltered by a father and mother who, living honestly with God, live honestly with one another and with their fellowmen. They will mature with a sense of appreciation, having heard their parents in prayer express gratitude for blessings great and small. They will grow with faith in the living God.” -President Gordon B. Hinckley, "Cornerstones of a Happy Home" 

8. Be patient with yourselves in the first couple weeks of marriage. It's tiring to adjust to a new way of life (not to mention sleeping with someone else in your bed). Don't try to take on too much. Make sure to put each other first. The piles of boxes can wait; your spouse really is more important than unpacking.

9. Focus the day on the temple. It is really the highlight of your wedding day, and in many ways the highlight of your lives. Commit to return often so you can learn. It's impossible to soak it all in at once, and even sweeter with the experience time and repetition gives you.

10. Marriage really is so wonderful. It's beautiful to be so united with your best friend and sweetheart, and to work with them towards building an eternal family. If you work at it, your love will grow stronger every day, and you will find the greatest joy you can experience in this life. 

 

"Marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person." -President Spencer W. Kimball  

Why I'm Getting Married in the Temple: The Doctrine of Eternal Marriage

Image found here.

It is difficult for those outside the Mormon faith to understand our marriage customs - why we are so anxious to get married and start our families, why our marriage ceremony takes place inside a temple that only authorized members of the Church may enter. I hope to help explain why we do these things and share the beautiful truths I have learned about the covenant of marriage. 


The temple is a place where very special, sacred ordinances take place. In order to enter, one must be willing to make very big promises, commitments to change one's lifestyle and fully dedicate oneself to the Lord. The temple is not a secret - we want everyone to attend, but we do not want anyone to promise to keep these big commitments unless they are truly ready to consecrate themselves to God. 


The most important and sacred of these promises is the marriage covenant. We believe that this ordinance is necessary to enter into the highest degree of glory in the Celestial Kingdom. Most people view marriage as a contract - an agreement between two or more parties for the doing or not doing of something specified. 
Marriages that take place in the temple are covenants, or promises between the individuals and God. The terms are specified by Heavenly Father, and if we keep our commitments, He has promised to pour out blessings upon us. This means that when challenges arise, we cannot run away because we do not like the contract any more, but we are accountable to keep our promises to God and our spouse. One of the blessings promised in the marriage covenant is being sealed to our spouses and our children for time and all eternity. This means that death is not the end of family life, but that our relationships can continue forever.

LDS marriage is very focused on the family. We believe that the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth still applies, and when we enter into the sacred marriage covenant we commit to bear children and raise families unto the Lord. We believe that having children is a sacred privilege, and that family relationships teach us how to become more like our Savior, Jesus Christ. We believe that families are essential to God's plan, and that they have the potential to bring us a fullness of joy. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints provides us not only with the ordinances that allow our families to be together forever, but teaches how to treat each other so that we actually want to spend eternity together. (The Family: A Proclamation to the World goes into more detail about this.)


We believe that temple ordinances, especially the temple sealing, are necessary for exaltation. Through the ratification of sacred ordinances and the sanctification of keeping our covenants with God, we can someday be perfected through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and live with Heavenly Father again, enjoying all the blessings He has. 


Can you see now why I have always dreamed of getting married in the temple? The promise of being sealed to the man I love the most for time and all eternity, of having our future children sealed to us as well, of having God directly involved in our marriage, of someday being able to return home to Him and receive all of the joy and goodness that He has - these promises are so, so beautiful. I still feel like I can barely comprehend them, and I am so amazed that Heavenly Father would offer such blessings to me. 


One of my friends remarked that my fiancé and I seem to have reached "fairy-tale levels of happiness," and I would have to agree. Our parents, church leaders, and prophets have taught us how to serve and love one another, and on Friday we will enter the Holy Temple and be sealed to one another forever and ever. The best part is that because we are committing to love one another as perfectly and unselfishly as God loves us, the joy and love that we feel now will continually grow through all eternity. There is nothing greater than knowing that as wonderful as it is right now, the best is still yet to be.  

"Some think of happiness as a glamorous life of ease, luxury, and constant thrills; but true marriage is based on a happiness which is more than that, one which comes from giving, serving, sharing, sacrificing, and selflessness." - President Spencer W. Kimball


“The whole subject of the marriage relation is not in my reach, nor in any other man’s reach on this earth. It is without beginning of days or end of years; it is a hard matter to reach. We can tell some things with regard to it; it lays the foundation for worlds, for angels, and for the Gods; for intelligent beings to be crowned with glory, immortality, and eternal lives. In fact, it is the thread which runs from the beginning to the end of the holy Gospel of Salvation—of the Gospel of the Son of God; it is from eternity to eternity.” -Brigham Young

How grateful I am to be able to embark on this wonderful journey with a wonderful man who loves me so sweetly and is my very best friend - and how even more grateful I am for my Savior, Jesus Christ, who has made this joy possible.

When you're getting married in 8 days, this is just what you need to hear:

Image found here.

"Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!...


"Patience is a process of perfection. The Savior Himself said that in your patience you possess your souls. Or, to use another translation of the Greek text, in your patience you win mastery of your souls. Patience means to abide in faith, knowing that sometimes it is in the waiting rather than in the receiving that we grow the most. This was true in the time of the Savior. It is true in our time as well, for we are commanded in these latter days to 'continue in patience until ye are perfected.'


"To paraphrase the Psalmist of old, if we wait patiently for the Lord, He will incline unto us. He will hear our cries. He will bring us out of a horrible pit and set our feet upon a solid rock. He will put a new song in our mouths, and we will praise our God. Many around us will see it, and they will trust in the Lord.

"My dear brethren, the work of patience boils down to this: keep the commandments; trust in God, our Heavenly Father; serve Him with meekness and Christlike love; exercise faith and hope in the Savior; and never give up. The lessons we learn from patience will cultivate our character, lift our lives, and heighten our happiness. They will help us to become worthy priesthood bearers and faithful disciples of our Master, Jesus Christ." 

-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Continue in Patience"

Thanks President Uchtdorf. 

My eternal family

"The proclamation teaches that 'successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.' In other words, the Lord measures the success of a family by the quality of its relationships. In a home where faith, love, and forgiveness are dominant, members find joy and satisfaction in being together. Ideally the father presides in love and righteousness, provides the necessities of life, and protects the family while the mother is primarily responsible for the nurturing of the children. In contrast, the world often measures family success by the accumulation of worldly things and the size of the estate that is passed on to the children." - Elder Merrill J. Bateman, "The Eternal Family"

How grateful I am for my quality family relationships. They bring me the greatest joy I've ever known.

happiness

is easing into my chair at the end of a long, hard day
to read posts on my favorite website.
it's breathing out a long sigh,
and hearing my honey sneak up behind me
to gently place a bowl of my favorite pasta on the desk.
but mostly
it's the smile that creeps across my face
when I realize that he gave me the bowl that's my favorite color
just because he knew I would like it.

Find your own here.

happiness
is watching the snow gently fall
with a cup of peppermint hot chocolate
and gentle piano music in the background.
it's soaking in the beautiful stillness of winter
and learning to be still myself.

Found here.

happiness
is the moment
after I've cried out to the Lord,
when He encircles me in His arms
and lets me know
that I am unconditionally,
irrevocably,
inescapably,
perfectly,
and eternally loved.


happiness 
is the object and design of our existence; 
and will be the end thereof, 
if we pursue the path that leads to it; 
and this path is virtue, 
uprightness, 
faithfulness, 
holiness, 
and keeping all the commandments of God.
- Joseph Smith

Words to Heal my Heart Today

"It's the little household crises that get to me. This time, my toddler’s favorite blanket was lost. In an effort to discourage her thumb-sucking, I’d hidden it. Bedtime had come and I couldn’t find the fuzzy pink thing. The memory lapses that come as a fringe benefit of my chronic illness had me opening kitchen cupboards and drawers as my daughter cried, 'Find it now, Mommy.' Her demand was a perfect parallel to my petitions to God: 'Fix me now, please.' Like my toddler, I sometimes want to throw myself on the floor and demand instant healing. I struggle to understand why it hasn’t come." 
-Rebecca Rice Birkin, "Instant Healing - Just Add Patience"


O thou that art the light of the minds that know thee,

the life of the souls that love thee,

and the strength of the wills that serve thee:

help us to know thee that truly love thee, 

and so to love thee that we might fully serve thee,

whom to serve is perfect freedom, 

Amen.

-St. Augustine of Hippo

"But God sees the truth, and waits." 

- Jes S. Curtis

Image found here.

Do you ever forget about grace? I sure do. 


Somehow Monday snatches me up and takes me far, far away from the spiritual world of Sunday, takes me to a place that is crammed with tests and assignments and deadlines and pressures and the unspoken but undeniable fear that you will never be good enough. 


And there I stay. 


I frantically run around in circles like an animal in a cage, trying in vain to accomplish my list of tasks with a perfection that I can never attain. I keep searching for hope and joy and meaning, but can never find it there. And then the thoughts of doubt and the despair fill my mind. Why am I so busy? Why is life so hard? Why can't I accomplish the simple things I need to get done? Will I ever finally be able to do it on my own? But then I remember that God doesn't want me to do it alone. He wants us to come unto Him and ask for help - but in running the frenzied race of my life, I have forgotten. 


No, I'll never be able to do it on my own. I will always need Christ and His Atonement. 


I love this insight from Corrie Ten Boom and have tried to make it the motto of my life. 
During World War II, Corrie and her sister Betsie were imprisoned in a concentration camp in Germany. They decided to use this opportunity to lead Bible studies and share their testimonies of Christ. But even while engaged in God's work, Corrie found it hard to fight her instincts of self-preservation and soon lost the hope and joy that she had previously found in her service. 

"And so I struggled on with worship and teaching that had ceased to be real," Corrie wrote, "until one drizzly raw afternoon when just enough light came through the window the read by, I cam to Paul's account of his 'thorn in the flesh.' Three times, he said, he had begged God to take away his weakness, whatever it was. And each time God had said Rely on Me. At last Paul concluded -the words seemed to leap from the page- that his very weakness was something to give thanks for. Because now Paul knew that none of the wonders and miracles which followed his ministry could be due to his own virtues. It was all Christ's strength, never Paul's.

And there it was. 

The truth blazed like sunlight in the shadows of Barracks 28. The real sin I had been committing was not that of inching toward the center of a platoon because I was cold. The real sin lay in thinking that any power to help and transform came from me. Of course it was not my wholeness, but Christ's that made the difference."

Every time I read that passage, I weep. I'm not sure why this is such a struggle for me, why I forget Christ and His transforming wholeness day after day when I have pictures of Him taped up in every room of my apartment, but I do. Such is the challenge of our fast-paced, technological society. 


But the beauty is that I don't have to fight this battle on my own. I don't have to save myself. I have His arm of mercy to lean on, His Atonement to cleanse me of my sins, His heart full of love to heal me and His example to teach me how to become like Him. 


Yes, I may have forgotten grace, but grace has never forgotten me. 

Walter Rane, "One by One"

"For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, 

and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; 

for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do." 

-2 Nephi 25:23

Know who you are.

Image found here.

"Those who drive steamrollers should know who they are," my choir director told us a month ago at the beginning of rehearsal. "But really, every one of us drives a steamroller. You may not have a powerful influence in my life, but what about your roommate's life, or your little brother's life, or your best friend's life? Remember that you drive a steamroller."

Some days, I fervently wish that I did not drive a steamroller. Sometimes I am afraid of my influence and of the consequences of my actions. Sometimes I feel that which ever direction I turn I am going to crumple someone's arm or leg or foot, and that whatever decision I make, I will always hurt or frustrate someone who has trusted me. Life is so painful and so messy that I go crazy wishing it could be another way.

But to ask God to give me a bicycle instead of a steamroller would be asking Him to make me something less than what He has designed me to be, and to ask for an easier life would be asking Him  to change His eternal plan of happiness.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf recently counseled us to "trust your Heavenly Father. Trust Him enough to follow His plan."   

All I can do is try my best and ask the Lord to help me embrace the role He has given me as a steamroller operator.

I know He will help me learn this in time, for His love does miraculous, beautiful, transforming things. 

 **********

"A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for." -Elder Claudio R.M. Costa

It is not for unsteady souls.

 Image found here.

"You have to love dancing to stick to it. It gives you nothing back, 
no manuscripts to store away, no paintings to show on walls and maybe 
hang in museums, no poems to be printed and sold, nothing but that 
single fleeting moment when you feel alive. It is not for unsteady souls." 
- Merce Cunningham

 

It's true.  Sometimes dancing is really hard. There are days when my muscles ache, my feet are all blistered, my arms are scraped up, the steps just won't click, and I wonder why I keep doing this to myself. There are days when I want so badly to quit. 

But there are other days when I forget my battle scars, both physical and emotional, and I just focus on the movement. There are days when I can feel myself progressing and I dance with joy in my face and in every cell of my body. There are days when, as Cunningham said, I have that fleeting moment when I feel so intensely, beautifully alive. There are days when dancing helps me catch a vision of the divinity God put inside me and who He wants me to be. 

And that is why I dance - not for a grade, not to be fabulous (because I am certainly not), but for those spiritual moment that steady my soul and help me catch a glimpse of eternity. 

 Photo by Lois Greenfield.

Recapturing Beauty Day 2: God's Definition of Beauty

Tuesday's challenge was to research God's definition of beauty and read Elder Lynn G. Robbins' talk "True Beauty." He discussed how true, radiant beauty does not come from our appearance but from our hearts. It comes through living the Gospel, being cleansed by the Atonement of Christ, and growing closer to the Lord. And the people that do that have a loveliness that cannot be imitated, a light that cannot be hid. 


There are some women who seem to be beautiful, who seem to be perfectly skinny and have all the expensive fashions, and sometimes I wish I looked like them. But when I think of the beautiful women in my life, these are not the faces I picture. The most beautiful women in my life are my heroes and role models, the women who exemplify Christ and are an example to me


Some of the most beautiful women in my life are my mother who teaches me about the Savior through her testimony and her example, and whose love is so powerful that I feel it even 704 miles away; my best friend's mother Diane who is one of the most selfless, stalwart people I know; my roommate Courtney who is so full of joy and love that it rubs off on everyone she meets; my sister who has great big dreams to change the world and a bright faith in the God who will lead her there; my friend Nicole who has faced incredible challenges but continues to push forward with a faith and courage that leaves me in awe; my dance teacher who sees the best in each of us and teaches us to be artists and dance with the Spirit; the many women in my home ward and stake who embrace their roles as mothers and nurturers, building up the Kingdom of God in their own unique way; and leaders in the Church such as Emma Smith, Marjorie Pay Hinckley,  Elaine S. Dalton, and Julie B. Beck. These are the women who are truly beautiful to the Lord. These are the women who I want to be like. 


In a world that shouts so many contradictory messages at us, I am deeply grateful for the knowledge that my Heavenly Father loves me perfectly and thinks I am beautiful just the way I am. 


"True beauty can’t be painted on but is a gift of the Spirit. It is literally letting your light shine before men. When virtue is combined with obedience to the Lord’s laws of health and respect for the human body, young people truly become temples in which the Holy Ghost dwells, giving them a beautiful aura. It is this beauty that is most becoming and enduring." 

-Lynn G. Robbins, "True Beauty"

Food for Thought

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"If we teach about what is in every section of the Doctrine and Covenants, if we teach so that our students know all the rivers in the Book of Mormon, if they can name all the prophets of the Old Testament, if they can describe to you the pioneer trek and the history of the Latter-day Saints in the restored times but they don’t understand the promises made to the fathers and their part in it, it is 'utterly wasted.' I would submit that all of our teaching is utterly wasted if they don’t understand the context that all of this is taught within." 

-Sister Julie B. Beck, "Teaching the Doctrine of the Family"

I think this may be why I've had trouble finding religion professors I like at BYU; there are so many that go over tiny historical details which are interesting but do not teach nor motivate me to come unto Christ and be a better person. And isn't that the whole reason for the Gospel?


What do you think about this quote from Sister Beck? How does it make you feel? 

Staying Balanced in a Turbulent World

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I have a friend who is an amazing woman. At her best, she is full of testimony and conviction, radiant with the love of Christ, and a joy to be with. Being with her makes me want to be a better person. But in recent years, she has changed. She has become busy with work and school and research and volunteering and many good things. She has great desires to serve and do amazing things in this world, but in pursuing that she has lost the light and joy in her eyes. She is tired and burdened. She is not happy. 


I miss the girl she used to be, her happy self, her best self, her true self. She has grown so busy with preparing to serve in the future that she has no energy left to serve right now, much less enjoy it. Maybe if she knew how her simple joy and goodness has blessed me, she would de-clutter her life and try to remember the girl she used to be. Oh, how I wish she would. 


Anne Morrow Lindbergh wrote:


Woman today is still searching. We are aware of our hunger and needs, but still ignorant of what will satisfy them. With our garnered free time, we are more apt to drain our creative springs than to refill them. With our pitchers, we attempt sometimes to water a field, not a garden. We throw ourselves indiscriminantly into committees and causes. Not knowing how to feed the spirit, we try to muffle its demands in distractions. Instead of stilling the center, the axis of the wheels, we add more centrifugal activities to our lives - which tend to throw us off balance. Mechanically we have gained, in the last generation, but spiritually we have, I think, unwittingly lost.


Fortunately, the Gospel of Jesus Christ provides the answer. When we make time to have a relationship with God and choose to make Him the center of our lives, the wheel slows down. We have peace in our souls and a greater capacity to serve. Our needs are satisfied. 


This week has been so busy as I've tried to balance tests, papers, my social life, my spirituality, and that lovely little thing called sleep. There have been times when I have been tempted to skip my prayers or daily scripture study, but each time I have chosen to put my relationship with Heavenly Father first, I have been blessed. I have been more productive, more peaceful, and more joyful. I have learned that I must make God my first priority if I want to accomplish good things and be happy while I'm doing it. 


If you find yourself feeling discouraged, overwhelmed, depressed, burdened, or unhappy, ask yourself these questions:
*Have I talked to my Heavenly Father today?
*Have I read the scriptures today?
*How is my spiritual standing? What can I do to improve it?


I find that whenever I feel sad or overwhelmed, it is because I have forgotten to make God my first priority. It is impossible to be truly happy when He is not first in our lives. But here is the remarkable thing - as soon as I ask forgiveness for my carelessness and strive to improve my spirituality, my heart is filled with peace and joy. I can feel God's forgiveness and love for me. 


Our Heavenly Father desires so earnestly for us to come unto Him. He can make your life amazingly joyful if you will just let Him into your life.