Today, I am grateful.

I've been sick and grumpy for the past few days, wallowing in my hardships and making myself miserable. I'm tired of feeling that way. Today, I want to be more happy and grateful.

I'm grateful that I get to spend my summer on BYU's beautiful campus, learning new things and relaxing under shady trees.

I'm grateful for my sewing  class that has inspired me and brought me new friends.

I'm grateful for my job and the fun I have with my beautiful, cheerful co-workers. They are truly angels. (EFY kids, treat them well.)

I'm grateful for my wonderful group of family and friends who love me no matter what.

I'm grateful for my sweet husband, whose love I'll never deserve. He takes such good care of me and helps me to be my best self.

I'm grateful for my temple covenants and the chance I have to renew them often. The temple is the best place on earth.

I'm grateful for my opportunities to know my Savior better. His grace continually astounds me.

I'm grateful for gratitude. I feel so much calmer, happier, and more peaceful after writing that. We are all so very, very blessed.

Ex Voto

The image I inspired, painted by Cassandra Barney

Do you remember how I submitted a writing sample to the "What Saved Me" project by Cassandra Barney? I didn't expect her to pick my piece for one of her paintings, but she did. 


She said it was one of her favorites; It's one of mine too. Every time I look at it, I get teary-eyed thinking about my wonderful husband who raises me up. 


PS- If you want to see it on display, visit Salt Lake's Kayo Gallery from June 17th to July 13th. 

Wonderfulness.

We just got back from our California trip yesterday. It was delightful. We feel so refreshed and ready to get back to work.


Our open house was beautiful. My sister did an incredible job with the decorations, food, and everything. She really is amazing! It felt like an old-fashioned garden party, and was more magical than I ever could have dreamed of. Thank you to all of you who helped out and came by to share your love and support! It was a wonderful day and we are still in awe of all the love that was showered upon us. Thank you! (You can see more gorgeous photos here.)

My uncle built this sweet archway

Sneaking away to a secluded table on one of the decks

Everybody loves Wibby!

All the children wanted to dance with us. It was so sweet!

In other good news, I got accepted for a very special internship! This summer, I will be writing blog posts for BYU Women's Services and Resources! My posts will appear each Friday. I am thrilled and honored to have this opportunity to use my talents to make a difference. 

And now, two of my new favorite videos to brighten your day. The first is the trailer for the new Winnie the Pooh movie. I am so excited! Pooh is a big part of my childhood. I'm glad he lives on. 

This video is a gorgeous song by Peter Breinholt and John Schmidt. My husband introduced it to me as we were making the long drive to San Diego. Listening to it while watching the sun set behind the beautiful Utah mountains was a very special experience. 

Enjoy your weekend and the beautiful spring weather!

Life is good. 

What Saved Me

Artist Cassandra Barney is working on a project called "What Saved Me," based on submissions from blog readers. This is my submission. 

Yes, he's wearing a grape soda pin from the movie "Up"

e.e. cummings once wrote, "We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit." 

I did not believe in myself until my husband believed in me. 

I grew up a shy and introverted girl. I struggled with self-esteem throughout high school and my first few years of college. I felt that I was never talented enough, pretty enough, smart enough. People told me that they thought I was amazing, but I never really believed them. I was convinced that I would never measure up, and that I would have to get used to living a life of mediocrity. 

But when I began dating Brandon, things started to change. He never gave me eloquent compliments, but quietly and sincerely showed that he loved me. He was always gentle and considerate with me. He expressed appreciation for my virtues and my morals. He recognized my strengths and told me how they had blessed his life. He told me I was beautiful, not just because of how I looked, but mostly because of who I was. He served me, and thereby showed me that he adored me. Day by day, he encouraged me and uplifted me. 

Slowly, gradually, his love changed me and helped me to believe in myself. Because I had someone that honored me, I learned to honor myself. He saw me as my Heavenly Father saw me, and helped me to focus on my divine gifts instead of my natural weaknesses. One day, I realized that I did not struggle with my self-worth anymore. I had truly learned to love myself, because of the love that Brandon had for me. That selfless, Christlike love has helped me to be happier and better than I've ever been before. I am grateful for this wonderful man who helped me discover my self-worth. My husband's love is what saved me from living in ignorance of my divinity. 

My eternal family

"The proclamation teaches that 'successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.' In other words, the Lord measures the success of a family by the quality of its relationships. In a home where faith, love, and forgiveness are dominant, members find joy and satisfaction in being together. Ideally the father presides in love and righteousness, provides the necessities of life, and protects the family while the mother is primarily responsible for the nurturing of the children. In contrast, the world often measures family success by the accumulation of worldly things and the size of the estate that is passed on to the children." - Elder Merrill J. Bateman, "The Eternal Family"

How grateful I am for my quality family relationships. They bring me the greatest joy I've ever known.

When you find you fall more in love with your fiancée every day and find yourself constantly amazed as his gentleness, his sweetness, and his goodness -


I think it's a pretty good sign.  

Thanks for making me such a lucky, happy girl. I love you. 

REALLY good news!

So a couple months ago I sent this post to the Ensign...and today I got a letter back from them saying that they want to publish it in the New Era! I'm not sure when, but it should be soon. What a blessing! :]

Recapturing Beauty: Day 1

Photo by Nika Fadul.

Today's assignment for the Recapturing Beauty Challenge is to take 10 minutes to write all the things you are grateful that your body can do. I've been thinking about this all day and it has really helped me feel more confident and content with who I am. 


I am grateful for a body that fills me with breath every moment of every day. 
I am grateful for a body that wakes up each morning. 
I am grateful for a body that lets me walk, skip, run, and dance. 
I am grateful for arms that can hug my sweet roommate as I leave the house in the morning. 
(And I'm so very grateful for that sweet roommate - but that's a post for another day.)
I am grateful for hands that can tousle my little brother's blonde hair. 
I am grateful for eyes that can see the yellow leaves of autumn, the pink and purple sky of sunset, and the golden kiss of sunshine. 
I am grateful for ears that can hear music, and for vocal chords that can sing along. 
I am grateful for a nose that can smell yummy food, and for a mouth that can taste it. 
I am grateful for skin that can feel the warmth of sunshine, the cool drops of rain, and the embraces of those I love. 
I am grateful for a mouth that can smile, a head that tilts towards the heavens when I laugh, and eyes that squint up when I do. 
I am grateful for my toes that wriggle as I type this, and the ability to paint them pretty colors. 
I am grateful for my legs, strong and steady, that ground me. They carry me up those dreaded stairs and around campus every day with hardly any thanks. They endure lifts and kicks and turns in my dance class without a complaint. They anchor me and yet provide me mobility. They are amazing. 
I am grateful for a belly that receives. It receives breath, it receives food, and it takes those and miraculously turns them into life. That is a miracle. 
I am grateful for hands that can work, that can play, that can create. 
I am grateful for a mind that can think, and create, and soak in the beauty of this life and all that God has given me. 


Wow. I feel so richly blessed. 

Come, Listen to a Prophet's Voice

Image found here.

For 6 hours today and 4 hours tomorrow, we have the opportunity to receive counsel from modern-day prophets! Click here to see how you can tune in online. Believe me, it is AMAZING. 


Thomas S. Monson (pictured above) is the sweetest old man. He has a remarkable memory and always stories and poems that make us laugh. He is full of the pure love of Christ and it radiates from the television screen. 


I come to Conference with a question or issue in mind, and somehow the Spirit always answers it and calms my heart. How grateful I am for God's personal knowledge of me, and that He has given us prophets on the Earth today to help us come closer to Him! 


Watch General Conference. It will change your life. 

This weekend...

A group of my favorite people went down to Zion to do some camping and hiking. And it was spectacular.

And as if that wasn't wonderful enough, we got to hear from Julie B. Beck, Jeffrey R. Holland, Boyd K. Packer, and Richard G. Scott today. And I got to have dinner with my amazing sister. And meet with amazing women in my ward to plan how we are going to serve other ward members.


Yep, my weekend was pretty much perfect.

My Abundant Life.

Image found here.

For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee. -Isaiah 54:10

This weekend, I've been seeing the abundance of my life everywhere.

I see it in the bright blue sky and the sunshine that tickles my arms. After a long winter in Utah, I am so grateful for summer.

I see it in my job, where I get to work with wonderful people and provide service to others. The hours may be long, but I'm grateful to be able to earn money in a time when so many are out of work, and to be able to do it with people I love.

I see it in the faces of my family as we giggle together before scripture study. I am grateful for the support they give me and peace that permeates the walls of our home.

I see it in the sweet comments from my readers that bring tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your kind words and encouragement with me.

I hear it in the music of the BYU Men's Chorus when I listen to it each morning. Their voices are so full of testimony. When I listen to them, I feel like I can do anything.

I see it in the face of my little brother as he tells me about his Lego car that he made, and as jumps up and down with excitement as we plan to watch a movie together Saturday night. Oh, to be content in the simple things of life! He is such an example to me.

I see it in my spunky little sister and the sweet relationship we are developing. She is growing into a beautiful woman, inside and out. I am so, so proud of her. She is a treasure in my life, and I feel honored to live with her, work with her, laugh with her, and be sealed to her for time and all eternity.

I see it in the baptism I attended Friday evening. The people who attended are so loving, so humble, so sweet. It is a privilege to know them and attend church with them. The sister who was baptized is so thrilled to be a member of the Church. When she emerged from the water, a beautiful laugh escaped from her lips. Her joy and enthusiasm for the Gospel are inspiring. I love the people in my ward and the opportunity to fellowship with them.

I see it when I lie in bed at night and reflect on my day's work. My life is so, so good. I am growing, serving and progressing in different ways than I had wanted, but in just the ways Heavenly Father wants me to.

I see it in the peace of the Spirit that fills my heart. I know I am exactly where I need to be.

"It was followed by a beautiful, spiritual confirmation that this is my new life. And it is good. It is oh, so good." -Stephanie Nielsen

Whenever I Need a Lift

...I read Segullah.

Segullah is an LDS Women's Literary Journal that focuses on "the peculiar and treasured." The women who write here courageously share their faults and shortcomings, their hopes and disappointments, their pains and sorrows - and how all those things bring them closer to Christ.

I have learned so much from them.

By reading the posts at Segullah, I have learned to recognize and cherish the little wonders God puts in my life each day. I have learned to rejoice in my trials and the growth they bring. I have learned not to be so hard on myself. I have learned to put more trust in God because He will NEVER let me down. I have learned to be a little kinder, a little more patient, a little more forgiving because life is so incredibly short. In short, Segullah has brought out the best in me.

There are so many gems there. I love this post about the true nature of success, this one about letting the Atonement into our lives, this one describing how the consequence of sin can remind us of God's love, this one about talents, this one about how trials can bring out the best parts of us.

And I could go on.

But I'll let you find your own treasures.

Change.

I always get sentimental at this time of year. Today I am here...

Photo by Dan Ransom

...and in a week I will be here.

Photo by me :]

I love California, I really do. And I absolutely love being home with my family. But for some reason change is rather difficult for me. (Remember the transition from Christmas break?) I think it's because there are so many beautiful things in my life that I don't want to end. There are certainly more beauties ahead, but it's hard to look forward to them because I'm not exactly sure what they are.

But I read this excerpt by Emily Halverson from The Mother in Me, and her words helped me to find hope in the change, to have faith that God's plan for my life is a happy one.

Perhaps watching can be painful at times, because I must acknowledge that time is passing - but not because, once passed, it's forever gone. Just like the sand that slips from the top of the globe to the glass floor below, it is not spilled or lost. It is stored.

My dad has always said that his favorite age for his children is the one they are at. I like that thought. To me, that is watching with hope.

Watching the change, and seeing what's not changing.

Watching it pass, and knowing it's not leaving.

Tasting every bite, but believing in God's everlasting covenant that the meal never ends. The food is perishable, yes, but there is more to come. And all of it, ingested, becomes a part of me.

I love that thought. I love that every moment of this school year has passed but has not left; it has become a part of me forever.

Labor Day Picnic...

Visiting the Spiral Jetty with the Art History Association...
October 2009 General Conference...

Halloween...

The mystery of Mitch tucking in his pajama pants...

A very Muggle Christmas...

Growing closer to my siblings...
Baking cookies and dancing to "Hey, Soul Sister"...

Ward Nerd Night and the epic Twinkie-eating contest...

Discovering my own soul sisters...

The great spoon incident...

The "Mom" tattoos...
And becoming friends with some of the most wonderful people in the world.
I feel like a small sapling. Each year brings new joys and hardships, but the rings that grow become part of the eternal being that is me. And that's pretty neat.

I guess change isn't so bad after all.

Everyday Heroes

I have discovered that life is not a series of great heroic acts. Life at its best is a matter of consistent goodness and decency...I have observed that it is not the geniuses that make the difference in this world. I have observed that the work of this world is done largely by men and women of ordinary talent who have worked in an extraordinary manner. -Gordon B. Hinckley

********************************************************************

Today I want to write about my heroes. These people are simple, accomplishing amazing things just by living good, consistent, selfless lives. They do not realize their influence. These are the people who inspire me to be my best self, and I hope they inspire you too.

1. Mom

My mom is my best friend. I call her all the time to talk about my struggles, my funnies, and my lovelies. She makes me laugh every day. She makes me smile every day. She drops what she is doing every day to talk me through my difficulties. Of course she is not perfect, but she puts her whole heart and soul into being the best she can be. She has an amazing gift to connect with people. I am amazed at her ability to recognize those who are silently struggling and think up ways to serve them without making them feel like a "service project." When I grow up, I want to be everything that she is.

2. Dad

I just wrote a post all about my dad a couple weeks ago, but I had to include him in this one as well. He is the hardest working man I know. He has given up everything he has to support our family and serve the Lord. He is so smart, so talented, so wise, and He has consecrated all of that to the Lord. He may be quiet, but he has a strong testimony of the gospel and guides our family in living it. I couldn't have asked for a better father.

3. James

My brother is ridiculously awesome. Ridiculously. He makes up his own songs on the piano and while he's doing his homework. He takes scraps of paper and turns them into art. He makes me laugh every day with his witty, sassy comments. He's made up his own breakdancing moves from the time he was 5 years old. He loves the gospel. He is selfless and kind to those who are unkind to him. He is the definition of love. He has made our family complete.

4. Brian

I could talk about Brian for ages. He is funny, smart, thoughtful, selfless, always willing to serve and has an amazing gift to make other people feel comfortable. He always sees the best in me and helps me to feel my Heavenly Father's love. He's currently serving a mission in Ukraine and has thrown himself into the work. He LOVES to serve and he loves the Lord. He has shown time and again that he is willing to give his whole soul over to the Lord. And as he has done that, he has been transformed into an even amazing young man. I am so grateful to have him as my best friend.

4. Courtney

Courtney is my soul sister. We are alike in so many ways, from being the oldest children to singing in choir to loving family history! I first noticed her because she is incredibly friendly and kind to everyone she meets; when it comes to relationships, she is fearless. That is something I want to develop in myself, and I look to her example so often in that area. I see her as the definition of charity, and the way she lives her life testifies of Christ. She understands my heart and is willing to drop everything to serve me. I am grateful for her example and her friendship!

6. Marshall

Marshall is brilliant, though he would never say so himself. I am astounded by all the things he knows how to do, and even more astounded that he can do so many of those things with great skill! He is bursting at the seams with creativity and encourages me to think about things of eternity. Whenever I talk to him, he uplifts me and inspires me to be a better scriptorian and a more committed Latter-day Saint. He is a wealth of knowledge and is passionate about using that knowledge to serve other people. He is going to do amazing things in this world - oh wait, he already is.

7. Hillary

Hillary is a constant in my life. We first met doing sound for Christian Youth Theater, where she patiently taught me all the duties of the sound board, and she has been patiently teaching me ever since. She is truly a woman of God, and even though that means she has to stand alone sometimes, she is willing to make that sacrifice for Him. Her faith and charity are inspiring. And even though I don't get to see her very often, I know that whenever we do get together again, we will pick up right where we left off. I am grateful to have a friendship with her that will last throughout the eternities.

8. David

David is another constant in my life. He is always there when I need someone to talk to, and has helped me through so many tough times. He always sees my strengths and reminds of them, for which I am grateful because this critical world causes me to forget. I only wish that he could use that gift on himself and recognize how wonderful he is! He is a talented ballroom dancer, a great conversationalist, a hard worker, a dedicated servant of the Lord, and a selfless, loyal friend.

9. Breanna

Breanna is one of my favorite people to work with. She is always willing to do the tasks that no one else wants to do. Plus, she is beautiful, fun, and incredibly loving. She always sees the best in other people and I have NEVER heard her make a negative remark. She helps me to recognize strengths in others and in myself. She loves Disney Princesses, but I think that she is more amazing than any character put on the screen.

10. Joshua
Oh, Joshua. He's tall, dark and handsome. He sings in BYU Men's Chorus. He's Dutch. He's hilarious. He is thoughtful. He has an amazing family. He always makes me feel loved and valued. He is hard working, yet fun-loving. He brings games into the workplace, making it a joy to be there. He brings joy wherever he goes. He radiates the Light of Christ.

And of course, my most important hero, Jesus Christ.

All of the people I have listed above have blessed me because they have taught me about Jesus Christ through their words and deeds. They are evidence of the Savior's love for me.

But it is through Christ alone that I am healed.

He has borne my griefs and carried my sorrows. When words fail and no one else can comfort me, He speaks peace to my soul. He has atoned for me sins and through His grace I will be able to be made perfect. He helps me through my struggles and forgives even though I make so many mistakes. I am astounded by His patience with such a slow and stubborn creature such as me. He has given my family power to be together forever. He has shown me the way to find true happiness in this life and the next. He helps me to progress and fulfill the measure of my creation.

Without my Redeemer I am nothing. But through the cleansing and enabling power of His atonement, He is shaping me into something wonderful.

And for that, I rejoice.

Beauty for Ashes

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound...to comfort all that mourn...to give unto them beauty for ashes...that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified. - Isaiah 61:1-3

This weekend, I literally had "beauty for ashes."

It was my turn to make Sunday dinner for my roommates, but some friends called me and invited me to hang out with them. I didn't know when I'd be back, so I put my soup on the stove and left a note saying they could go ahead and eat whenever they wanted to.

Unfortunately, I left a plastic spoon in the pot. And unbeknown to me, my only roommate at home was asleep. She woke up a while later to an awful smell and these lovely sights.

This is the remnants of the spoon compared to what the spoon used to look like.

And this is what my roommates were supposed to eat for dinner - a mix of burnt tortilla soup and melted plastic. Not soupy at all.

"Would anybody like some soup? It's not like it's tainted with the poisonous and naseous gases of boiled plastic, or anything. Please dearie, try some."

When I returned from my adventures hours later, we laughed and laughed and laughed.
"This will be a great story to tell your children," they consoled me.
"Oh sure," I agreed. "If I don't kill them with another cooking accident first!"

********************************************************************
Fortunately, my weekend had a lot of beauty too. I:
*Went to the BYU Men's Chorus concert, which was beautiful
*Made new friends
*Howeled at the moon
*Pretended to be a Ninja
*Ate ice cream with an amazing family
*Enjoyed silliness with my favorite people in the world
*Learned how to make a revolving door out of people
*Smiled and laughed until (and well after) my face was sore
*Went on a walk in the sunshine
*Tied with someone 4 TIMES IN A ROW on rock paper scissors
*Toured the industrial design lab
*Rode an electric wheelchair
*Attended a wonderful Stake Conference
*Ate thin mints on the lovesack
*Tried my hand at being a Shaman
*Ate good stew
*Petted a dog
*Took silly pictures
*Watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
*Had some really good conversation
*Got to enjoy many of my favorite people in Provo.




If God decides that my life needs some ashes to counteract the many, many beauties, that's ok with me.

So even though my apartment still smells bad, my roommates are a little annoyed with me, and my clothes smell like smoke, I have many reasons to rejoice.