Focusing on our Strengths

Image found here.

First thing in my dance class this morning, our teacher sat us down. "We need to have a serious talk," she told the class. 

"I know that you focus so much on your weaknesses, because that's just how we are. We don't say to ourselves at the end of the day, 'I am just so awesome! I did a million things right!' People just aren't naturally like that. 

"Today, I want to focus on your strengths. I really think that you need to be just as aware of them as you are of your weaknesses. That way, instead of starting where you lack and trying to get better, you can start with what you are good at and build from there."

So she told each of us, by name, in front of the whole class, what gifts she saw in us. It was absolutely beautiful. I could feel each heart open and the class truly become a unified whole. 

It was marvelous to hear about the other dancers' strengths. Erika dances with passion. Matt is a born performer. Cassie is open and pure. Lindsey is an eternal optimist. Stephanie is grounded and full of strength. Jonathan has explosive energy. I too have seen these qualities in my classmates but haven't always been able to define them in words. Identifying each person's strengths helped me realize what a remarkable group we are. Our gifts fill each others' gaps. We help another. We reach new heights as we depend on and build off of each other.

And then, towards the end, my turn came. I was a little nervous, because I have really struggled in this class. I don't have the training and experience that my classmates do. I see so many weaknesses in my dancing. I wondered what she would say about me. 

"Tasha," the instructor began quietly, "has remarkable confidence and courage. Sometimes she lets herself forget that, but she always picks herself back up and keeps trying. Each day that she walks through that door is a powerful act of confidence. She shows that she is not afraid to try hard things, and I think the Lord is pleased with that. He wants to us do things that are difficult, because they help us grow. Tasha is not afraid to do that which is hard."

To hear those words of praise from the teacher of a class I struggle in, from someone who has seen my weaknesses and evaluated them with a number - that meant the world to me.

Why don't we do this more often? Why do we focus so much on weakness in ourselves, in our peers, in our communities? Why are we so obsessed with the negative? Negativity does not bring life or growth. It does not motivate me to keep trying. But when I think about positive things like my potential or my strengths or the help my Heavenly Father has promised me, I find the strength and desire to keep moving forward. 

Let us become more positive. Let us appreciate the goodness in ourselves, in our friends, and in the world around us. Let us fill our lives with the energy of positivity and the Love of God. I truly believe that these are the factors that can change our hearts and better the world.

*****************************************************

 ‘Be not faithless, but believing.’ Believe in yourselves, in your capacity as a son or daughter of God, to do great and good things. 
-President Gordon B. Hinckley

"It's a good thing a feminist didn't overhear you"

"I read this thing the other day that was SO unfair," one of the girls in my dance class griped earlier this afternoon as we were changing into our street clothes after class. "It said that guys' blood has more red blood cells, which means that they get more oxygen to their body when they excercise, which gives them more stamina when they play sports. How unfair is that?"

Being the Pollyanna that I am, I replied, "Well, maybe Heavenly Father made us [meaning women] that way so that we wouldn't get super good at sports so we would stay home and be good mothers."

Someone chuckled, and I noticed some girls I didn't know giving me funny looks. "It's a good thing a feminist didn't overhear you," another friend remarked, trying to cover up the awkward aftermath of my statement. The conversation continued but in my mind that line kept playing over and over again.

The definition of feminism is "the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men." I believe in that. Men and women are equal in their worth and importance. But I also believe that men and women have different gifts and different responsibilties from the Lord.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World states, "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

I believe that raising a child to the Lord is the most I could ever ask from life, the greatest calling a woman can have. Careers, positions and posessions all fade, but souls last forever. God gives us the opportunity to shape lives, to participate in creating something that will last through the eternities. Nothing else is as important. Nothing else is as demanding. Nothing else is as rewarding. Nothing else can compare.

Brethren and sisters, material possessions and honors of the world do not endure. But your union as wife, husband, and family can. The only duration of family life that satisfies the loftiest longings of the human soul is forever....Our family is the focus of our greatest work and joy in this life; so will it be throughout all eternity. -Russell M. Nelson

It is so tremendously important that the women of this Church stand strong and immovable for that which is correct and proper under the plan of the Lord. They must begin in their own homes. They can teach it in their own classes. They can voice it in their communities. They must be the teachers and the guardians of their daughters. When you save a girl, you save generations. I see this as the one bright shining hope in a world that is marching toward moral self-destruction. -Gordon B. Hinckley

I think there is a misunderstanding of feminism in the world and in the Church. The essence of feminism to to celebrate the strength and beauty of women, But I think that purpose is forgotten when some seek for equal rights in trying to make women just like men.

But that is not what God made us to be! He made us differently so we could complement one another. Instead of trying to become so much like men, I believe that we should celebrate the beautiful, divine attributes that God has given us as women - and use them to do the work He has called us to do.

So maybe I should have responded to that classmate, "No, I am a feminist. I believe that women are strong, capable and important, but I also believe that the greatest thing we can do is use our capabilities to raise a family in righteousness to the Lord."

Because really, what could be better than this?

Photo by Sheena Jibson.

Trust in the Lord, and do good

Sierra Nevada, July 2007

"I felt at peace about this decision," I griped to my friend David, "but things haven't turned out how I thought they would. It has been really tough."

"What have you learned from this experience?" my wise friend asked me.

"Oh my goodness, I have learned so much! I grown closer to my Heavenly Father and learned things that have made me a better person."

"Then that is why you felt at peace with this decision."

********************************************************************

Even with the peace of the gospel and the knowledge that this experience is for my good, it is still difficult at times. Recently I came up with a plan for how I would handle this person who tries my patience (see this post for some background), but whenever I tried to deliver my stinging and witty comebacks, I could not find the courage to do it. I prayed to God to have the strength to execute my plan...

but then realized that I should really be asking Him how He would have me react to this person's negativity.

And He gave me a plan that is much better.

My mom shared some stories with me about two amazing people back home who handled negativity with grace and love without condoning the critical remarks.

Example #1:
It was the end of the Ward Pioneer Day party. There had been many fun games - potato sack races, a 3 legged race, and a rousing game of tug-of-war. The kids were now playing with the giant tug-of-war rope, and Brother T, one of organizers of the event, was most unhappy. He chastised the kids and started angrily winding up the rope. A woman remarked to a friend, "oh, we always let the kids play with that rope." Brother F turned to the sisters and replied, "Brother T has put a lot of work into this event and done a very good job. We need to be grateful for the service he has done for us today." Brother F turned and went to help Brother T clean up his things.

Example #2:
Two women were talking with a new Temple Matron for the San Diego Temple. The Temple Matron was describing the plans for the Christmas Season on the Temple Grounds - lights, different choirs every night, inviting the community to come enjoy the spirit there. One of the other women remarked that these were great ideas and wondered why none of these things had been done before. The Temple Matron lovingly replied, "Sisters, the previous Temple Presidencies have done an excellent job, and we need to be careful that we do not say anything negative about them."

Oh, how I want to be like these amazing people!

I know that this person I am struggling with is not trying to be mean and negative - they just don't know any better. For some reason, they have not learned which comments are acceptable and which comments are hurtful. I have the opportunity to help guide this person as Jesus Christ would, to help them know how much the Savior loves them.

I'm going to need a lot of divine help.

********************************************************************
Trust in the Lord, and do good...Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday. -Psalms 37:3-6

You may have been the only one to sense by inspiration the warning cry. The others may feel, as you will be tempted to think, "Maybe the trouble I thought I saw is just my imagination. What right do I have to judge another? It's not my responsibility. I'll leave it alone until he asks for help." . . . Yet you are under covenant to go to a spiritually wounded child of God. You are responsible to be brave enough and bold enough not to turn away. -Henry B. Eyring

If you act in faith in the Savior and go to someone who is struggling or spiritually wounded, you do not go alone. It is the Lord's work. If you go prayerfully seeking the guidance of the Spirit, He will go before you and He will go with you. He promises you that the power of His atoning sacrifice will strengthen you so that those you seek to help will feel Him and see Him through you. You will help them feel and understand the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. -Kim B. Clark

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being. -Goethe

It is not the critic who counts

"The Widow's Mite," James Christensen

********************************************************************

Today, I’m struggling again. My best intentions have turned to disasters. I feel misunderstood and fallen and hated. What’s that quote? "Man will suffer no greater disappointment than that he is to himself."

Yes. Oh yes.

When I kneel to pray my thoughts are crowded with, "I’m such a fool!" "When will I ever learn?" "I make a mess of everything." God is there, but I’m covering my ears and shouting my failings.

But now, I’m going to lean back, like a child against a cool pillow, and feel God’s love. And I can already hear the murmuring words of comfort— "I understand… I know life is hard…I know you’ve made mistakes… but I’ve paid the price for you. Let me in." - Michelle L.

********************************************************************

Yeah, it's been one of those weekends. I've been trying to handle my challenges the best that I can, only to be criticized and mocked and betrayed. My wounded soul cried out, "I'm doing the best that I can, why isn't that enough?" But not loud enough for anyone to hear.

Thank goodness for a Heavenly Father who hears my prayers that go unspoken.

Thank goodness for a merciful God who reminds me that my little pipe cleaners are enough.

Thank goodness for a Savior who gently whispers, "You don't need an earthly friend; you have me right here."

Theodore Roosevelt wrote,

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly.

I have come to terms with the fact that I cannot please everyone, but the most important person to please is my Heavenly Father. Why should I waste my time trying to satisfy those whose opinions do not really matter?

My favorite teacher, Mr. Marcus of the Standley Middle School Band, wrote,

Tasha's gifts are many, but her greatest gift is that she is, and always has been, her own person in everything she does. She is never arrogant or mean-spirited, exhibiting an easy grace that is exceedingly rare in these times....I think John Ruskin, the 19th century art critic, summed it up best in the following quote which just happens to be my favorite: "When love and skill work together - expect a masterpiece." And that's just what Tasha truly is.

So I am leaving the critics behind. I am going to remember all the people who think I am doing things just fine. I am not going to let these negative voices stop me from being myself. I am going to be the woman God wants me to be.

Do not be afraid of ridicule. The strength and peace that come from knowing God and having the comforting companionship of His Spirit will make your efforts eternally worthwhile. - Elder Robert D. Hales

And by the way, this is my 100th post. Yay!

Abstract Art

Morris Louis, "Where," 1960

"Do you like this painting?"

I had to restrain myself from whirling around and glaring at the student who had asked this question. Really? How could someone be so thoughtless, so prejudiced, so rude?

It was nearing the end of my Art History 202 class last semester. There were about 250 of us in the class, the majority of which were just trying to knock out a GE requirement. We had been discussing abstraction for a little while, and I had heard plenty of my classmates gripe about the material. I hoped that as they learned more about modern art they would be able to sense its beauty, but with this question it was clear that at least one student was not diggin' it.

My professor, who happened to be a specialist in modern art, answered very well. Much better then I would have in my angered state. But I was still annoyed.

Mark Rothko, Untitled, 1952

I'll be honest; I struggled to understand abstract art at first. I remember sitting in a Humanities class in the summer of 2008 with this image on the screen. A girl told of how she had cried upon seeing this work in person. I simply could not understand it. As the only freshman in the class, I did not comment much, but for this I had to speak my mind. "I don't understand what it means!" I exclaimed. "It's just a bunch of blue!" My professor tried to explain that it didn't have to mean anything, that it was a new way to challenge the meaning of Art. The girl who had commented earlier tried to help by saying that the colors are incredible in person, since Rothko mixed his own paint. That helped a little. But I still left confused.

About a week later, our class went to the BYU Museum of Art. We saw an exhibition on conceptual art, and it all started to click. I realized that abstract art is all about getting people to think! As I stood in front of these monumental works, I began to ponder what they could mean to the artist, to other patrons, to me. I saw the beauty in the small details and the entire composition. I saw the artists' creativity being set free, allowed to run and jump and twist and turn in a world void of the fences of representational art. I saw the artists' souls being poured into their works.

And that's when I fell in love.

"Explosion" by Maggie Michael

The piece above was my favorite from the exhibition. I would go back over and over again to stand in front of this work and just think. It moved me every time. My heart broke when it was taken down at the end of the exhibition.

What I love most about abstract art is that it recognizes the intelligence in the viewer and challenges them to use it! I love what Theo van Doesburg wrote in the Art Concret Manifesto. "Art with a representational agenda, even a hidden one, is harmful because it tends to sap the mental strength of viewers, leaving them unaware of their own true powers."

So before you judge abstract art, open up your mind and think a little bit. Art has so much to offer.

If you will let it.

Just me.

"To be nobody but yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." - e. e. cummings

I've realized lately that, as wonderful as BYU is, it makes me feel pressured to try to be someone that I may not be. Going to a school with 30,000 other ridiculously talented and beautiful people is very intimidating! Someone once told my mom that the only way to deal with the pressure of BYU is to graduate. I'm not quite there yet, but going home for Christmas was a good detox. Being away from it all helped me to get back to my truer, simpler self and to realize that it is ok for me to be that person!


It is ok for me not to have expensive clothes and look perfect every time I walk out the door. It is ok for me to be in the liberal arts, even though there isn't much job security. It is ok for me to want to be a wife and a mom rather than go to grad school. It is ok for me to like High School Musical, Miley Cyrus and Betsy Tacy. It is ok for me to stay home and watch a Disney movie on a Friday night. It is ok for my closest friends to be small children and middle aged adults. It is ok me to be silly and laugh. It is ok for me to be myself, no matter what others may think. And you know what? It's ok for you to truly be yourself as well. I don't think God wants us to spend our lives wishing and trying to be someone rather than who He created us to be.

"Who does she think she is?"

Today for my art theory class we watched a beautiful documentary titled "Who Does She Think She Is?" about artists who are mothers and their struggle to balance those two passions when society condemns it. At first I was nervous (again) because I strongly believe that the most important thing for a mother to do is to take care of her family, but again I learned that that there is a place for creation in motherhood.

One of the women was LDS and a BYU grad, and I think she was able to explain it all very well. She said that she had tried to live without making art, and she had gone crazy. She needed to create. And she said that making art was good for her family and her husband. I think that as these women express themselves - and take care of themselves - through art, it helps them to be better mothers. Of course, there needs to be balance in all things and priority given to what matters most, but creativity is necessary and good. Elder Uchtdorf taught us this truth in the 2008 Relief Society broadcast.

I am grateful for a church that understands this need to create! Of all the women in the documentary, the LDS one was the only one who had a husband that valued her artistic endeavors and stayed by her. I'm glad that there are others in the world who recognize the beauty and need for art in our world.

"I think our society today tends to qualify success as financial success, but...the biggest success is to have inner happiness with what you're doing and the people around you and that certainly happens when I create, whether it's been my kids or relationships in my family or int the studio, I think it's core. That's success - it's being happy with what you're doing." - Maya Torres

"But then I began to understand the power of living on purpose." - Angela Williams

Even though I am not an artist or a particularly creative person, these women left me feeling empowered. I feel that I have my own opportunities to create, which I will discover in time. I am going to live on purpose.

A new year

Things I learned in 2008:

*How to love difficult people
*How to get along with roommates
*How to stay close to my family from 705 miles away
*How to stay happy while waiting
*How to dance Hip Hop
*How to stand alone for what is right
*How to rely on the Lord and know He'll provide
*How to pray effectively
*How to find peace during times of uncertainty
*How to serve in a calling
*How to hold onto dreams
*How to love selflessly
*How to cook for myself
*How to live without Disneyland!
*How to make the Savior my friend
*How to sing in a choir
*How to appreciate art
*How to enjoy the simple things
*How to share my testimony every day
*How to do missionary work
*How to find answers to prayer
*How to raise and love children
*What I want my future home to be like
*What true love is
*Qualities that I need to work on
*The blessing of forever friends
*How to let go and let God
*The incredible power of the Atonement

My goals this year are to:

*Be more friendly and selfless
*Regain my confidence without losing humility
*Get close to my new roommates
*Learn to let my best friend go as he leaves on his mission
*Spend more time in the library
*Audition (and hopefully get in to!) an auditioned choir
*Not hide my light under a bushel
*Go to the temple once a month
*Feel beautiful
*Be healthier
*Find joy in the journey
*Keep a better journal
*Forgive
*Draw nearer to my Savior