Photo found here.
Sometimes I measure my worth on my productivity. It's a nasty habit.
In a world so focused on appearances and earthly accomplishments, I often forget what is most important and get hard on myself for not doing or being everything I "should." And every time it turns out that my perceptions of what people expect of me are totally ridiculous. I expect so much more from myself than anyone else does.
So yesterday when I got off of work early, I started making a mental checklist of everything I should get done with my extra time. But when I went to do those things, I found myself tired and empty; I simply could not be productive right then.
So, I let go. I just sat and watched Saved by the Bell and did not worry about my to-do list. And I realized how much I needed to just be still.
Being productive and accomplishing goals is important. But for perfectionists like me, we sometimes need a reminder that it is OK to slow down and take care of ourselves, so that when the time comes to go to work, we can do it with a grateful heart and a cheerful countenance.
Last night I went to the science center with my parents and my brother to watch an Imax movie about the Hubble Telescope. Not being anything close to a scientist, I didn't know much about the Hubble Telescope or the fantastic things it photographs.
I was blown away.
The narrator described the unbelievable celestial phenomena depicted on the screen. Images from thousands of lightyears away. Cloud canyons where stars are born. Multiple galaxies with solar systems like our own. The vastness of the universe overwhelmed me.
But what was more overwhelming is the role I play in that universe. Despite my classification as a small, ordinary girl without much significance in anything worldly significant, God still loves me. The most wondrous, powerful being in the universe, the one who has created all the galaxies, nebulas, and supernovea also created me. Even though I am not as big or awe-inspiring as those celestial objects, I am His daughter, and He created all of those things so that I could return home to Him and receive exaltation. While astronomy is breath-taking, it is His children that He glories in (see Moses 1:39).
Even though I am a very small speck in the vastness of the universe and the eternal nature of its existence, Heavenly Father has a specific plan for me. He has given me unique gifts to accomplish a special mission during my time on this Earth and my life in the eternities after that. While countless other children and creations seek Him, He still answers whenever I call. I may not be able to shine as brightly as a mere star, but He knows that I have the potential to obtain a glory just as brilliant as His.
And the best part? God restrain me with a timeline. He doesn't base my worth on my productivity. He finds value in me merely because I am His daughter.
God's ability to simultaneously see the hairs on my head within the infinite nature of eternity baffles me. I so often find myself forgetting the big picture to obsess over details that don't matter. I don't want that; I want to have an eternal perspective like The Father's.
But I'll be patient. I know He'll help me develop it - one day at a time.