Thursday, June 3, 2010

Now I Can See.

"He Anointed the Eyes," by Walter Rane

Women's Chorus. Folk Dance Team. Nauvoo Performing Missionary. College Scholarship. Trip to Europe.

So many of my dreams have turned to disappointment in the last year.

And now, EFY Counselor.

This one was especially hard. I've dreamed of being an EFY Counselor ever since my first year as a participant, and I've spent those last 6 years planning and preparing for then day when I would be old enough to do it. This disappointment was also hard because for they did accept me, but the logistics simply didn't work out. It made me wonder if any of my dreams will actually come true.

In the depths of my grief, the voice of the Spirit whispered, "Abundant life, Abundant life. Have faith in the promise of Abundant life."

As I look around me, now I can see the abundance of my life.

While I may not have everything I have dreamed of, I have what matters most. I have good relationships with amazing friends, supportive family, and my Heavenly Father. I have opportunities to learn, to serve and to grow. I have the fullness of the Gospel in my life. I have everything that will last for eternity.

"Maybe I am supposed to go," I wondered when I first heard the news of my acceptance. "I know it's my little sister's graduation, but maybe there's some kid going to EFY out there that I really need to teach." But then I remembered that I have no power to change; only the Atonement can do that. And the Atonement will be taught at EFY whether I'm there or not. My family is eternal, and right now the Lord wants me to be with them.

So often I think that I have to be involved in certain organizations and programs to really serve (which is why I have gone out for so many performing groups). It seems that Heavenly Father is trying to teach me a different way to serve. He is trying to teach me to lift where I stand, to perform little kindnesses each day, to live a life of service rather than spend a couple weeks in a leadership position. He is trying to teach me how to become more like Him.

Langston Hughes once wrote,

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

And today, I have an answer for him.

I have deferred my own dreams for something better - to live the dreams that God has for me. Yes, my dreams have dried like raisins in the sun and have been left by the wayside to die. But God has something more magnificent, more glorious planned for my life. My dreams were of a temporal nature, but God knows that I am an eternal being that can do so much more. I had planned to be a small sapling, but Lord is helping me to become a majestic redwood tree.

So what happens to a dream deferred? Well, if you are lucky, it is replaced by a dream of eternal life, which is a dream that God will help every one of us obtain.

"Christ in Gethsemane," by Joseph Brickey

I'm sure He had quite a different plan for His life. How grateful I am that Christ had the faith to defer His dreams to follow Heavenly Father's plan.

And look at what He gained.

"He Lives," by Simon Dewey

In my trials, Christ has anointed my eyes.

And now, I can see.


  1. Beautiful pictures. I also believe God has a plan for me as well. I will pray for you that he shows you what path to take. I just know he has a wonderful plan for you. God Bless

  2. Your insight and writing just gets better and better. I am glad you will be with us for an extra week, you mean so much to each member of our family. I love you.

  3. You are inspiring. I always feel uplifted after reading your blog. Thank you!

  4. Tasha, I love your blog. I love you, too--so, so much. I can tell you that I also wanted to be an EFY counselor--and yet, it never worked out (no matter how hard I tried). I also wanted to be in Concert Choir for YEARS before I was accepted (that disappointment was quite a hard pill to swallow past my pride). Ballroom dance is another dream that will likely never be realized. Instead, I've chosen to write an honors thesis (ew! who voluntarily sells their soul for that kind of pain 50 hours a week?).

    The point is not "woe, WOE is me!" however. It is to thank you for reminding me that sometimes, we have to sacrifice our own wants and needs for a greater cause. Sometimes, our plan doesn't match up with God's. But, as far as plans go, I think His is probably my best bet.

    Thank you for the reminder. Thank you for the beautiful pictures. Thank you for being your bright, shiny self even when your dreams are dashed (because it is at those times when it is most difficult!). Love!

  5. Tasha you are AMAZING! I seriously commend you for all that you've been able to overcome. Everytime I read your blog it just makes me want to be a better member of the church seriously. I am really sorry about the EFY position though, I know you would've made a great counselor.