Tuesday, June 29, 2010

My love's too big for you, my love.

Image found here.

What do you do when someone doesn't want you in their life anymore?

As my little sister wrote in her latest blog post, it can me take a long time to love someone. But once my heart is open, I am fiercely loyal. "You don't throw people away, Tasha," is how my mother explained it. Like my sister, I believe that my loyalty is somewhat inherent, but my mother has helped bring it out in me. She has taught me in words and examples how to mend awkward relationships and move past painful experiences to discover the beauty and nourishment of friendships. When I was in the moment, it seemed so much easier to leave difficult relationships behind and start on something new. But now some of those relationships that once were awkward are so nourishing and important in my life. I am deeply grateful that my mom taught me to hold on, for people are not garbage but eternal beings with limitless beautiful and potential.

But sometimes people make the decision for us. They want to let go of the relationship and move forward without looking back. They want to throw it all away.

And for me, that it is hard.

I was contemplating this the other day and feeling guilty for not being able to mend some relationships, when Ingrid Michaelson's "Sort of" came on my iPod. I was amazed that the lyrics fit my situation so perfectly.

Baby you've got the sort of laugh that waters me
And makes me grow tall and strong and proud and flattens me
I find you stunning, but you are running me down
My love's too big for you my love
My love's too big for you my love

It was like a light switch flipped on. The problem isn't with me; these people are just unwilling to receive what I have to offer. My love is too big for them - but at the same time, I don't feel like I should try to diminish it.

At times I wish I could be more like my sister, that I didn't attach so deeply because I end up getting hurt. But then the Spirit whispers that this is who I am, and there is nothing wrong with that.

God has guided me through this lifelong process of rejection. He has taught me how to be full of love but direct it down different paths. Just because some people do not want the love I have to offer doesn't mean that it is not needed elsewhere. I find that the more I learn to love the Lord and the people He has placed in my life, the more love I have for these people who have rejected me. It is a different kind of love, though. It is respectful and calm and patient. It recognizes that I do not have to be a part of someone's everyday life to still care about them and find ways to serve them. And it hopes that somehow in the course of the eternities, differences can be reconciled and our hearts can be knit together in the love of God.

Heavenly Father knows all about this. He has children who do not want Him in their lives. He faces rejection every day. And yet, He still loves those children perfectly, wholely. I feel that He
is teaching me in a small measure about His love - and let me tell you, it is breathtaking.

My love may be too big for you, but that's OK. Jesus Christ can help us make everything right again.

And He will, in His own due time.


  1. Oh Tasha I love you! Thanks for posting! I always enjoy reading!

  2. This is very good. Love the picture. I love the point you are making. Thanks for mentioning me.:0 You have no idea how exciting for a mom it is to hear she has taught her child something helpful for their life.

  3. I've been thinking about this over the past week, and this really helped! Thanks!

    I would love to hear what your Mom's thoughts are!