Monday, February 8, 2010

I don't deserve it.

My little brother has always been a dancer.

When I was 12 and he was 2, we would dance to The Wiggles before I went to school. He is constantly on the floor trying to break dance. When music comes on, his body immediately starts to move. Sometimes we'll be watching a movie and we will notice his little foot tapping to the beat.

About a month ago my mom finally broke down and put him in a hip hop class. He was ecstatic. He had the biggest smile on his face whole time. And on the ride home he told my mom, "sometimes my life is so good that I don't think I deserve it."

I couldn't agree more.

Whenever I look at my blessings and am absolutely overwhelmed. I have the restored gospel, the scriptures, a Heavenly Father who loves me and a testimony of Christ. I have an incredible family who loves me and has taught me what is right. I have a mom who is my best friend and puts aside time to talk to me every day. I have a roof over my head, good food to eat and a warm bed to sleep in at night. I know how to read and write. I have a job during an economic recession. I have amazing friends, roommates, classmates and coworkers who appreciate my good qualities and inspire me to be a better person. I have an opportunity to receive a college education and get to do it at BYU, one of the best universities in the world!

I know Heavenly Father loves me, but I can't help but wonder why He has given me so much and others so little.

I know that what has been given is part of my tests and trials. All of my blessings are wonderful, but they bring certain hardships as well. And I know that Heavenly Father has given me these things so that I can serve others. But I'm not sure how to do that yet.

As Jo said in Little Women, "I want to do something splendid before I go into my castle - something heroic or wonderful that won't be forgotten after I'm dead. I don't know what, but I'm on the watch for it."

Fortunately the Lord has promised that "if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work," so I know that He will fill my life with opportunities to serve.

Even so, I don't think I will ever quite deserve all that Heavenly Father has given me.

I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day...I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants.

And behold, all that he requires of you is to keep his commandments; and he has promised you that if ye would keep his commandments ye should prosper in the land; and he never doth vary from that which he hath said.
-Mosiah 2:21-22

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