Astonishing.

March 2006

My little sister just got accepted into BYU.

(Which is wonderful and makes me so excited, but has also been the cause of great reflection.)

I remember how clear everything seemed when I was a freshman. (haha...not like it was THAT long ago.) I had a plan all set up and couldn't imagine any cause for deviation. But then life happened, and my plans changed.

Now I'm not sure what will happen.

I still plan for the future. I still have hopes and dreams. But I am not as confident in my plans. I know now that things will not work out exactly as I expect them to. So as my sister prepares to go off into the great world with a future that seems so clear, I cannot help but wonder - what does my future hold?

I know one thing - I plan to make my life astonishing.

But not in the way you might think.

If life has taught me anything, it is that I am so weak. As Corrie ten Boom wrote, "it was not my wholeness, but Christ's that made the difference." If my life is to be something special, something useful, it must be dedicated to His work and His glory. Nothing else is as important, or as powerful, or as lasting.

I see incredible people all around me - people like the sweet girl in my ward who absolutely radiates the Spirit of Christ, my talented and selfless little brother and our sweet, sweet prophet. I see their goodness and feel of God's love through them. And I want to be like that. They are the type of astonishing that I want to be.

But as Louisa May Alcott wrote, "it's highly virtuous to say we'll be good, but we can't do it all at once, and it takes a long pull, a strong pull, and a pull all together before some of us even get our feel set in the right way."

I still have lots of pulling to do.

But I know without a doubt that as I follow my Savior, He will help make me the kind of astonishing that I want to be.

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. -E.M. Forester