The Miracle of Forgiveness

Brian Kershisnik, But Ruth Clave Unto Her, 2006, Found here

It's been a rough week. As I wrote earlier, I've been struggling with forgiving someone who has rejected my efforts of kindness and hurt me badly. Ephesians 6:12 kept popping into my mind, for I have been wrestling with the forces of darkness.


I spent several days engulfed in these dark feelings, nursing my wounds at the bottom of that pit and fighting to let go of my pain. I felt justified in my anger, and wanted everyone to know how I had been wronged. But at the same time, I knew that revenge would only continue the cycle of unkindness; it would not make anything better. I also knew that I wanted to escape from these angry feelings and feel the peace of God again.


I found hope in Corrie Ten Boom's The Hiding Place, an account of her experiences helping Jews in World War II and, as a result, being sent to a concentration camp. She also discusses the way God helped her to forgive and show love during that cold, dark time. My favorite story in the book occurs after the war when Corrie was speaking of her experiences across Europe. At one event, she was approached by a guard she had known in the concentration camp; he recognized her and asked for her forgiveness. She writes,

I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give Your forgiveness.


As I took his hand the most incredible thing happpened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand, a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me.


And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.

So many times I have uttered that same prayer - Lord, I can't forgive this person. Give me Your forgiveness. And like Corrie, I have been aided by my Father in Heaven. The more I feel His compassion for my offender, the more my heart softens and is able to love. But it is His charity and forgiveness, not mine, that has made the difference.


My husband has been a great help as well. He has listened to me rant and complain and cry. He has even sympathized with the person who hurt me and helped me to understand their point of view. He has helped me connect to God when I was too hurt to reach Him on my own.


"You have tried so hard honey," Brandon said as he stroked my hair. "You did nothing wrong." It was at that moment that I began to sob because that was what I had wanted to hear all along - that someone acknowledged my sorrow and my efforts to do the right thing.


It was at that moment that I began to heal. God surely knew what He was doing when He asked us to "mourn with those that mourn." (See Mosiah 18:8-10)


We often speak of "the miracle of forgiveness" in the context of the Atonement, of Christ forgiving us for the vilest of our transgressions. After my struggle to forgive one person of a small offense, I am amazed at the Savior's ability to forgive me so readily, and even more so at the fact that I can someday become like Him.


But this experience has also taught me about another miracle of forgiveness - the freedom and healing we receive as we let go of our anger and let Jesus teach us how to forgive. I was in bondage, and none could deliver me but the Lord my God. (See Mosiah 24:21) He has made my burden light.


I still feel hurt when I think of what my offender did, and I suspect that the pain will always be there. I know that my journey is not over, for forgiveness is not a single event but a lifelong decision. But I know I have the help of my Father in Heaven, and that with Him, I can be victorious. 

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?...Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:35, 37-39

Forgiveness

Annie Henrie, Streams of Mercy, 2010, Found here

I am learning a lesson in forgiveness right now, a lesson that is oh, so hard. As a child, I thought I had mastered this skill because I could easily get over playground drama and childish arguments. But when you've given your best to someone and they don't even try to see past your shortcomings - that is when forgiveness becomes so much harder.

This journey feels like a roller coaster. I descend as I worry and stew and grow angry over the wrongs that have been done to me. At rock bottom, I realize that I need to do better, and ask for God's help. I've been amazed at how He helps me, lifts me higher, fills my heart with His understanding and His love.

But inevitably, I grow angry again. I used to think forgiveness was a one-time thing, but now I am discovering that it is a long and tiring struggle.

In those moments when I am down and weary, here are three things I turn to for the inspiration to turn my heart to God and try again to forgive.

1. This video

2. Rudyard Kipling's "If"

"If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools"

3. The words of Corrie Ten Boom

"It is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself."

 I hope that these can help you on your journeys of forgiveness as well as mine.

A Faith Rooted in Optimism and Tears

Brian Kershisnik, Thorn and Sparrows, Found here

Last night, I filled up my old journal. Tonight I will begin a new one. 


After writing my final words in that volume, I flipped back through and reminisced about the last 9 months of my life - my worries when having to decide between my missionary and Brandon, how I decided that he was the one, our engagement, our wedding, our first 5 months of marriage.


I've been sick for the past 6 weeks, and I'm not sure why. (And to nip any rumors in the bud, no, I'm definitely not pregnant.) Although I get enough sleep and take my multi-vitamins, I'm tired all the time. I often have dizziness, migraines, and difficulty concentrating. We've been to the doctor and found out that I'm not anemic, diabetic, or a victim of thyroid problems. He prescribed some medication about a week ago, and it's been helping, but I'm certainly not back to normal yet. 


As I read through my old journal entries, I missed my old self. I missed the girl who was able to handle 12-hour school days with a smile on her face. I missed the girl who was so happy and bubbly all the time. I missed the girl who found everything about life to be so exciting. My body has forced me to slow down, and in some ways, I've lost a part of myself. 


In my prayers tonight, I asked God to help me bring back the old, energetic me. Instead, He answered, You don't have to be her. 


Yes, my body has forced me to slow down, and my spirit has slowed down with it. I've lost a lot of my energy and enthusiasm, but I've gained something in return. 


I'm more content with my place in the world. I find more satisfaction in my relationships. I cherish the temple more. I'm driven to my knees more often. I talk to my mother more frequently. I think more deeply and creatively. I'm more content to observe than to join in the action. I have a more eternal perspective. 


I have a better relationship with my husband. I have a better relationship with my family. I have a better relationship with myself. I have a better relationship with my Heavenly Father. 


This trial has been painful, both physically and emotionally - but I am better for it. I feel like it is helping me to grow up. 


As Melissa Young wrote,  "I’m finding that my faith is rooted in both optimism and tears."

Mean.

I'm not easily provoked, but when somebody hurts a family member of mine, I get pretty mad. Introverts are fiercely loyal, and I am no exception.

Well, someone has recently disappointed and been unkind to someone who I dearly love, and I am less than  happy about it. There are so many things I wish I could say to them, but I know that they are better left unsaid. This song helps me feel better when those angry thoughts come to mind.



I love this song because it helps me remember that this incident isn't the end of the world. This person's rudeness doesn't change my family member's sweet, glorious, brilliant spirit. Meanness hurts, but we don't have to let it stop us.

I'll be less upset in a day or two, but for now I'm letting T-Swift help me get out my anger. Banjo music is some good stuff.

More than Conquerors.

Carl Bloch, Christ in Gethsemane, 1805, found here

I've recently fallen in love with this painting. When I'm down, I find so much comfort in the fact that Christ has experienced all of the sufferings and pains that I have, and that He conquered them all. I love that in His darkest hour, He had angels to come and lift Him up; surely in my time of need, He will send some to lift me up as well. 

"The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us."
-Romans 8:16-18, 35-37

He Lifts My Burdens

I'll admit it - I'm stressed.

I kinda checked out of this semester back in February when I got married. I'm so close to being finished, and yet so far. I just want to be done so badly.

And if you know me well, you'll know that the first thing I do when I am sad, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, or without hope is to turn to one of these.

I add my testimony that Christ truly does carry our burdens if we come unto Him. He has helped others through challenges so much worse than this (watch this video for a beautiful example).

God is so very, very good. He gives me hope when no one else can.

Words to Heal my Heart Today

"It's the little household crises that get to me. This time, my toddler’s favorite blanket was lost. In an effort to discourage her thumb-sucking, I’d hidden it. Bedtime had come and I couldn’t find the fuzzy pink thing. The memory lapses that come as a fringe benefit of my chronic illness had me opening kitchen cupboards and drawers as my daughter cried, 'Find it now, Mommy.' Her demand was a perfect parallel to my petitions to God: 'Fix me now, please.' Like my toddler, I sometimes want to throw myself on the floor and demand instant healing. I struggle to understand why it hasn’t come." 
-Rebecca Rice Birkin, "Instant Healing - Just Add Patience"


O thou that art the light of the minds that know thee,

the life of the souls that love thee,

and the strength of the wills that serve thee:

help us to know thee that truly love thee, 

and so to love thee that we might fully serve thee,

whom to serve is perfect freedom, 

Amen.

-St. Augustine of Hippo

"But God sees the truth, and waits." 

- Jes S. Curtis

I am grateful

that at the end of the day

when life is just too overwhelming

I can simply ask God 

to help me with all of the things that I need

and I don't have to say them out loud

because He knows them already. 

Thanks God. 

In all things, You are good.

Image found here.

Do you ever forget about grace? I sure do. 


Somehow Monday snatches me up and takes me far, far away from the spiritual world of Sunday, takes me to a place that is crammed with tests and assignments and deadlines and pressures and the unspoken but undeniable fear that you will never be good enough. 


And there I stay. 


I frantically run around in circles like an animal in a cage, trying in vain to accomplish my list of tasks with a perfection that I can never attain. I keep searching for hope and joy and meaning, but can never find it there. And then the thoughts of doubt and the despair fill my mind. Why am I so busy? Why is life so hard? Why can't I accomplish the simple things I need to get done? Will I ever finally be able to do it on my own? But then I remember that God doesn't want me to do it alone. He wants us to come unto Him and ask for help - but in running the frenzied race of my life, I have forgotten. 


No, I'll never be able to do it on my own. I will always need Christ and His Atonement. 


I love this insight from Corrie Ten Boom and have tried to make it the motto of my life. 
During World War II, Corrie and her sister Betsie were imprisoned in a concentration camp in Germany. They decided to use this opportunity to lead Bible studies and share their testimonies of Christ. But even while engaged in God's work, Corrie found it hard to fight her instincts of self-preservation and soon lost the hope and joy that she had previously found in her service. 

"And so I struggled on with worship and teaching that had ceased to be real," Corrie wrote, "until one drizzly raw afternoon when just enough light came through the window the read by, I cam to Paul's account of his 'thorn in the flesh.' Three times, he said, he had begged God to take away his weakness, whatever it was. And each time God had said Rely on Me. At last Paul concluded -the words seemed to leap from the page- that his very weakness was something to give thanks for. Because now Paul knew that none of the wonders and miracles which followed his ministry could be due to his own virtues. It was all Christ's strength, never Paul's.

And there it was. 

The truth blazed like sunlight in the shadows of Barracks 28. The real sin I had been committing was not that of inching toward the center of a platoon because I was cold. The real sin lay in thinking that any power to help and transform came from me. Of course it was not my wholeness, but Christ's that made the difference."

Every time I read that passage, I weep. I'm not sure why this is such a struggle for me, why I forget Christ and His transforming wholeness day after day when I have pictures of Him taped up in every room of my apartment, but I do. Such is the challenge of our fast-paced, technological society. 


But the beauty is that I don't have to fight this battle on my own. I don't have to save myself. I have His arm of mercy to lean on, His Atonement to cleanse me of my sins, His heart full of love to heal me and His example to teach me how to become like Him. 


Yes, I may have forgotten grace, but grace has never forgotten me. 

Walter Rane, "One by One"

"For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, 

and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; 

for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do." 

-2 Nephi 25:23

One of my favorite poems

Sometimes life is busy, taxing, and difficult. Especially in the middle of the semester, in the middle of my college career when it is starting to get really cold outside. 


And when that happens, I turn to this poem to help me find "the Will which says to them, 'Hold on!'"

image found here.

If

by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you 

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings 

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,

if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Focusing on our Strengths

Image found here.

First thing in my dance class this morning, our teacher sat us down. "We need to have a serious talk," she told the class. 

"I know that you focus so much on your weaknesses, because that's just how we are. We don't say to ourselves at the end of the day, 'I am just so awesome! I did a million things right!' People just aren't naturally like that. 

"Today, I want to focus on your strengths. I really think that you need to be just as aware of them as you are of your weaknesses. That way, instead of starting where you lack and trying to get better, you can start with what you are good at and build from there."

So she told each of us, by name, in front of the whole class, what gifts she saw in us. It was absolutely beautiful. I could feel each heart open and the class truly become a unified whole. 

It was marvelous to hear about the other dancers' strengths. Erika dances with passion. Matt is a born performer. Cassie is open and pure. Lindsey is an eternal optimist. Stephanie is grounded and full of strength. Jonathan has explosive energy. I too have seen these qualities in my classmates but haven't always been able to define them in words. Identifying each person's strengths helped me realize what a remarkable group we are. Our gifts fill each others' gaps. We help another. We reach new heights as we depend on and build off of each other.

And then, towards the end, my turn came. I was a little nervous, because I have really struggled in this class. I don't have the training and experience that my classmates do. I see so many weaknesses in my dancing. I wondered what she would say about me. 

"Tasha," the instructor began quietly, "has remarkable confidence and courage. Sometimes she lets herself forget that, but she always picks herself back up and keeps trying. Each day that she walks through that door is a powerful act of confidence. She shows that she is not afraid to try hard things, and I think the Lord is pleased with that. He wants to us do things that are difficult, because they help us grow. Tasha is not afraid to do that which is hard."

To hear those words of praise from the teacher of a class I struggle in, from someone who has seen my weaknesses and evaluated them with a number - that meant the world to me.

Why don't we do this more often? Why do we focus so much on weakness in ourselves, in our peers, in our communities? Why are we so obsessed with the negative? Negativity does not bring life or growth. It does not motivate me to keep trying. But when I think about positive things like my potential or my strengths or the help my Heavenly Father has promised me, I find the strength and desire to keep moving forward. 

Let us become more positive. Let us appreciate the goodness in ourselves, in our friends, and in the world around us. Let us fill our lives with the energy of positivity and the Love of God. I truly believe that these are the factors that can change our hearts and better the world.

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 ‘Be not faithless, but believing.’ Believe in yourselves, in your capacity as a son or daughter of God, to do great and good things. 
-President Gordon B. Hinckley

Me versus Study Abroad

 Brunelleschi's Dome. Image found here.

Today was the study abroad fair, and of course, there is going to be an Art History study abroad this Spring in Europe. And my heart longs to go. 

At first I thought that I might have a chance. They offer a lot of different scholarships, and if I was awarded enough money I could probably make it, right? But as I added up the totals I realized that it just isn't going to work. If I won awards from every organization, then I could go. But the truth is, I'm not going to win all of those awards. I could probably get something, but not enough. I can't afford it. I could take out loans, telling myself that it is a good experience and valuable to my education, but that doesn't seem right either, because deep down inside, I know that I need to bloom where I'm planted and lift where I stand.

After this disappointment set in, I became angry. Why do they have to have this study abroad information floating around every year? Every time I hear about it I want to go but I can't, and it is painful. Why can't the study abroad people just go away?!

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it is not their fault. The reason I feel unhappy about the study abroad thing is because it has made me so selfish and focused on myself. When they introduce it each year, I start to think that I am entitled to go to Europe because I'm an art history major. I am perfectly happy until I recognize that there is something I can't have. I forget how very blessed I am.

I find comfort in the example of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, whose education was in the Humanities and was funded by student loans and the sweat of his own brow. I'm sure he would have liked to have gone abroad too. But I am grateful for the sacrifices he made, for they made him the amazing man he is and make these words from "The Inconvenient Messiah" so much more powerful:

It is not easy to go without - without physical gratifications or spiritual assurances or material possessions - but sometimes we must since there is no guarantee of convenience written into our Christian covenant. We must work hard and do right, as Abraham Lincoln said, and sometimes our chance will come. And when we've tried, really tried, and waited for what seemed never to be ours, then "the angels came and ministered unto him."

So here is the fact of the matter: I don't need to go to Europe. I don't deserve to go to Europe. If the Lord wanted me to go, He would open up the windows of heaven and provide a way for me to get there - but He doesn't. I need to stay right here and soak up the richness of my life - my loving and supportive family, my incredible friends who love me for who I am, my high-quality education gained on a spiritually-enriched campus, my classes that allow me to sing and dance and write and create art, my calling that teaches me to serve, my opportunities to grow closer to the Savior and through His Atonement obtain eternal life.

No. I don't need anything else. God has blessed me with a beautiful life, and I am going to be better at cherishing each moment of it.

Sometimes...

...I can't do anything right. 

But that's what God is for.

"I will cling to the rope God has thrown me in Jesus Christ, even when my numb hands can no longer feel it." -Sophie Scholl

"You may not be a genius. You may not be exceptionally smart. But you can be good, and you can try. And you will be amazed at what might happen when in faith you take a step forward." - Gordon B. Hinckley

An apple tree for an elm tree.

Image found here.

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"Betsy didn't answer. It was strange, she thought, how things worked out. Something was given to you but something was taken away. An apple tree for an elm tree. A raise, but you lost the chance to do what you really wanted to do." 

-Maud Hart Lovelace, "Betsy's Wedding"

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I've been working at Jamba Juice for almost two years now, and I absolutely love it. Everyone who works there is amazing. I have met my best friends there and even my roommate for the fall. Every time I go to work it's a party, plus I feel loved and appreciated and uplifted. The people I work with are true disciples who help me come closer to Christ.

On Thursday, my manager pulled me aside and told me they wanted to promote me. He said they are grateful for all that I do and that they think I would do a great job as a trainer and a team lead. For now I'd just get more hours, but soon I would get a raise as well. Naturally, I was thrilled! I had been hoping for this but had no idea that it would come so soon.

Friday afternoon, not even 24 hours later, I got an email from the art history department. They offered me a position as a teaching assistant in the fall. Logically, it made more sense to take the TA position, which pays better and will give me more experience in my field and with the professors in department - but it just didn't feel right. When I was offered the promotion at Jamba, my heart was full of joy and excitement for this opportunity. Now I only felt doubt, anxiety and fear. 

I had no idea what I should do - so I cast my burden upon the Lord.

I told the Lord that I trusted Him, that I would be willing to walk into the darkness if that was His will. I've done it before, and was blessed so much for it. I know that as I follow God's will now, I will be blessed again. He can see so much better than I can. 

Heavenly Father has promised that whoever asks of Him shall receive an answer. And I certainly did.

I realized that my initial reactions were an evidence in and of themselves. The fruit of the Spirit is the giddy joy and sense of accomplishment I felt when offered the promotion at my current job. Doubt and fear only come from the adversary, and those are the only feelings I felt when I was offered the TA position came up. I’m not sure why the Lord wants me to stay at Jamba, but I know without a doubt that that is His plan for me. And I know that I must follow. 

My mom says this must be a fulfillment of the promise in Malachi 3:10, that if we pay our tithing, “I will open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.” And I would have to agree. I do not have room to receive all that the Lord is offering me!

I love my job and the people there, and I can't wait for this new adventure. Now the challenge is to have faith in God and the answer He has given me. 

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"Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.

For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.
. . .

. . . If any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him. . . .

. . . We are not of them who draw back unto perdition. [Hebrews 10:35–36, 38–39; emphasis added]

"In LDS talk that is to say, 'Sure it is tough--before you join the Church, while you are trying to join, and after you have joined.' That is the way it has always been, Paul said, but don't 'draw back,' he warned. Don't panic and retreat. Don't lose your confidence. Don't forget how you once felt. Don't distrust the experience you had. That tenacity is what saved Moses when the adversary confronted him, and it is what will save you." 
-Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence"

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Elm trees are good, but I believe that my apple tree will be even sweeter.

Runner's High

Image found here.

Yep, I've started running again (very slowly). I decided to take a jogging class to get some exercise and overcome my fear of running. We run half an hour three times a week.

Today, I the fruits of this month-long labor have paid off. As I finished my first mile, I found that I had improved my time and my legs did not feel like Jello. And I actually felt good!!! Who would've thought? 

I am not exactly sure why a smile lit up my face as I rounded the corner of the indoor track, or why my strides grew longer and my heart swelled with happiness. I don't know why I suddenly found so much joy in that simple moment that, logically, doesn't seem like it should be pleasurable in the least. But I'm glad I did. 

Horace Everett once wrote, "The promise of living with hope and thanksgiving is born of our loving our friends and our labor." When I work hard and push myself, when I associate with people who bring out the best in me, when I produce or accomplish something great, I find that my life is full of promise and I have faith in the future. 

Orson F. Whitney said, "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God . . . and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven."

I certainly have "many, many long months of struggle" ahead of me. My life is not perfect by any means. But I have so much to be grateful for, including the aid of a Heavenly Father who loves me. I could not make it through a single day without Him. He is so merciful and patient and simply astounding. Words cannot describe how grateful I am for my Heavenly Father.  


And I have discovered that as I keep running the race, it truly does get easier - and if we do it correctly, it becomes a journey full of joy. 

However Long and Hard the Road.

A bomb was dropped on me yesterday. A bomb that shattered my idyllic perception of the world and my trust in so many things that had once seemed certain. It left me feeling frightened, disoriented, doubtful, and so very, very alone.

I do know that one thing in this world is "eternal, unchanged evermore," and that is the reality that Heavenly Father lives and loves me, and that His Gospel is true.

I know now better than ever that is absolutely vital to cling to the iron rod. There are more pitfalls and distractions in this world than ever before, and if we are not fully focused and exactly obedient, the adversary will take us down. We cannot afford to fall. There is too much at stake.

And while I am grateful for that lesson, my head has been spinning with all kinds of doubts and fears. Will I be able to make it? Am I strong enough to resist the temptations of the adversary? What about the ones I love? What about my future family? Do I have what it takes to effectively teach my children to keep the commandments? Is there any way for me to be safe?

Last night, my visiting teachers came over. (They are so wonderful!) While we were chatting before the lesson, a guy from our ward came by talked with us through the window. "How are you doing?" asked McKenzie, one of my visiting teachers. "We haven't seen you since they changed the FHE groups."

"Oh yeah," he replied. "Since they changed them I don't really go any more." 

"Why not?" 

"I'm just so busy right now. When I'm older and it's more important, I'll do it then." 

"You are always going to be busy, and isn't FHE important now as much as ever?" she asked with love and concern in her voice. 

"Yeah, I guess you're right," he said, and the conversation moved forward. I don't know if that young man thought more about it, but I sure did, and we returned to that concept in the visiting teaching lesson.

"It's just like I was saying earlier," McKenzie continued, "this is such a critical time in our lives. This is the time when we are making habits that we will have throughout our lives." And then it hit me. If I work right now to establish good habits of daily prayer and scripture study, they will become a part of who I am. 

In a world so filled with dangers and distractions, it is more important than ever to stay focused on living the Gospel. If we don't put all of our effort into maintaining our relationship with the Lord and being worthy for the companionship of His Spirit, we will fall. We cannot succeed without God. We have to be doing the simple things each day, or our adversary will succeed. 

But if we are constantly striving to have the guidance of the Lord, if we decide to never give up and never give in, if we remain comitted to doing the small and simple things, we will have the protection of the Lord. And we will succeed. 

"It requires a conscious effort to diminish distractions, but having the Spirit of revelation makes it possible to prevail over opposition and persist in faith through difficult days and essential routine tasks," Sister Julie B. Beck promises. "Personal revelation gives us the understanding of what to do every day to increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek those who need our help. Because personal revelation is a constantly renewable source of strength, it is possible to feel bathed in help even during turbulent times." Yes, it is possible to stay strong and be safe, even in this wicked, wicked world.

I find comfort in the words of Winston Churchill to the British Parliament in May of 1940, another time when there was much fear for the future and very little to have faith in. Somehow in the midst of such darkness, Churchill found hope and extended it to his fellow men, not just in his time but for decades to come.

We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many long months of struggle and of suffering. You ask, what is our policy? I will say: It is to wage war, by sea, land and air, with all our might and with all the strength that God can give us; to wage war against a monstrous tyranny, never surpassed in the dark and lamentable catalogue of human crime. That is our policy. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: victory; victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory, however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival....But I take up my task with buoyancy and hope. I feel sure that our cause will not be suffered to fail among men. At this time I feel entitled to claim the aid of all, and I say, "Come then, let us go forward together with our united strength."

  

I too, "take up my task with buoyancy and hope." I know that the Lord is with me, with all of us in our fight to do what is right. I know that He lives and loves us. I know that He will never forsake us. I know that He has provided a way to have peace and happiness in every season of our lives, and that is in the teachings of His Gospel. And I know through the sweet reassurance of the Spirit that in time, everything will be OK.

Shall we not go on in so great a cause?

"Graven upon the palms of my hands."

"Prince of Peace" by Liz Lemon Swindle

I wonder if Jesus Christ ever questioned His worth, His mission, His importance. Did He ever have days of drudgery when nothing seemed to go right? I think He must have, for the scriptures say that He suffered "the pains of every living creature (see 2 Nephi 9:21).


We focus so much on the big things that the Savior did, and rightfully so, but I think one of His most remarkable attributes is His diligence and perseverance. As men and women, we are weak when our patience is tested. We are so quick to forget the long term rewards when our work starts to get difficult. But Christ? He was perfect. He was divine. He never gave up hope, never gave up faith, and never stopped working.  


What kept Him going at those times when it was hardest? When He was scourged and spit upon, when He was unfairly tried and betrayed by His friends, when He was hanging on the cross and not even His Father would answer Him, what kept Him from giving up on that terrible, painful journey?


And then the words of Isaiah pop into my mind. "Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands." He did it for you and me. 


I like to imagine that in the darkest hours of His life, when Jesus may have wanted to put an end to it all, He pictured all of us who would need His Atonement so desperately. Perhaps He thought about all of our pains that He had just experienced, and decided that He didn't want anyone else to have to endure it alone. 


How glad I am that He did not give up. For when my journey grows tiresome and my cross is hard to bear and I feel alone and worthless, I remember Him who has graven me upon the palms of His hands. If He did not give up on me then, surely He will not give up on me now. 


And I must not give up on myself, however long and hard the road may be. 


"It is ordained that we come to know our worth as children of God without something as dramatic as a leap from the pinnacle of the temple. All but a prophetic few must go about God's work in very quiet, very unspectacular ways. And as you labor to know him, and to know that he knows you; as you invest your time--and your convenience--in quiet, unassuming service, you will indeed find that "he shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up" (Matthew 4:6). It may not come quickly. It probably won't come quickly, but there is purpose in the time it takes. Cherish your spiritual burdens because God will converse with you through them and will use you to do his work if you carry them well." -Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "The Inconvenient Messiah"